


Always Been You

by BakaBukas101



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: Angst, F/F, Friendship/Love, Love Triangles, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2019-06-24 09:30:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 38,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15627768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BakaBukas101/pseuds/BakaBukas101
Summary: Long-time couple Yongsun and Moonbyul are practically inseparable, but frictions and differing ambitions break them apart. And when Yongsun feels stifled by their relationship and wants to spread her wings; Moonbyul loves her too much to stand in her way. As they try to move on with their lives they are continually reminded of what they once had, and temptation to go back is never far away.In other words, One More Chance - Moonsun version.





	1. The Break Up

* * *

* * *

"Where are we going?" When Moonbyul arrived at their shared apartment Yongsun was already packing her things. She didn't know they had plans so she was confused.

The older girl stopped what she was doing, the guilt in her movements were obvious. She shakes her head. "Not ' **we** ', Byul. Just **me**."

"What?" there was a crease that appeared between Byul's brows. She doesn't understand. Sure they had been fighting but they were able to solve those already. They were perfectly fine this morning.

"Byul." She didn't know where to start, just seeing the confusion and hurt on her girlfriend's eyes prevent her from saying the things she's been practicing the whole day. "I don't even know if what l'm doing is right."

Moonbyul shakes her head as if trying to convince herself that this is all just a nightmare. "Look, let's talk about this first, okay?" she then proceeded to unpack Yongsun's clothes from the girl's bag.

"Byul...I can't do this anymore." Yongsun stated, holding both of Moonbyul's hands, stopping her from unpacking her things.

"Yongsun, if this is about your parents again, I understand. But we'll get through this together, okay?" Moonbyul's tone was pleading, she was holding onto Yongsun's clothes as if she could stop the other girl from leaving if she just hold on tight.

"It's easy for you to say that because you're not in my shoes. You don't know what it's like to see-" she remembered the disappointment and hurt that were painted on her parents faces when she finally told them the truth about her and Moonbyul. "...when we debuted and had so much success my parents were finally proud of me, I just don't want that to go to waste."

She loves Moonbyul, so so much, but she loves her parents too. But it wasn't just about that. It was about a lot of things, like their careers; they worked so hard to be where they are now and she didn't know if her relationship is worth risking all of that.

"I know it's hard but we worked so hard to reach where we are now. We're going to get married, remember?" Moonbyul asked with a hope that Solar remembers their promise.

"In Korea?" Solar asked rhetorically. "Byul, we both know that's just wishful thinking." Solar regretted her words as soon as she said it. She heard her own heart break along with Moonbyul's tears flowing down her cheeks.

"Wishful thinking?" Moonbyul stood up, placing her hands on her waist, staring at the ceiling trying to stop her tears from falling down. "Do you really believe that?"

Solar shakes her head. "I don't know...but I know something's wrong." she finally let the tears that she was trying to hold back fall. "It's been five years, and we're still stuck here. In our own little bubble, too afraid of what everyone will say if they ever find out about us. We can't even have our own apartment, we're still living with Wheein and Hyejin just so no one would speculate."

"I thought we were happy." Moonbyul stated, the sadness and disbelief in her voice was evident. "You seemed happy." she shakes her head, making sense of why she didn't see this coming, of why she didn't notice that Solar has these thoughts.

Moonbyul has always been contented with their situation, she's happy as long as she knows that Solar chose her, that Kim Yongsun is her girlfriend. It didn't bother her that they have to hide, it was their relationship after all, everyone else's opinion should be irrelevant.

"I was happy, Byul. I really was." she said walking towards where Moonbyul stood, "But I don't think we're growing together, because we're trapped here in our own world, and it's suffocating and exhausting me. I want to stop wondering 'what if'. I want to know 'what is'."

**Was.**

Moonbyul wondered when it turned into a was, but she's too afraid to ask. She's too afraid to know when did Solar start faking her smiles, start lying to her. "I'm willing to get out of our little world if it meant that I still get to hold your hand when tomorrow comes." Moonbyul bargained, and it was really a tempting offer but that meant giving up all of their groups hard work; Solar wasn't sure they're ready for that.

They're still at the peak of their careers, they've all worked hard for this; Wheein and Hyejin included. It wasn't just about them; they're in a group. She is the leader of their group. She should be thinking of what's best for all of them; she can't afford to think so selfishly.

"I'm sorry, Byul." She knows Moonbyul wouldn't do it herself, she's too stubborn to think that their relationship has run its course; so she does what she thinks is best for them. "Just let me be."

Yongsun then continued to pack her things.

"Yongsun, stop." Moonbyul tried to unpack her things again.

Yongsun threw her hands in defeat, "You can have those clothes." she said before heading for the door.

"Yongsun, wait up!" Moonbyul said, chasing after her girlfriend.

Yongsun was able to enter the elevator when Moonbyul catched up to her.

"Do you really want to get away from me that much?" Moonbyul asked.

"That's not it." Yongsun replied, looking anywhere but Moonbyul.

"Then why the hell are you doing this?" Moonbyul asked in frustration, surely they can talk about this. They can fix this if Solar would just talk to her.

"Because this is what I want." Yongsun tried her hardest not to give away any emotion.

"What about our plans?" Moonbyul asked as they exit the elevator at the parking lot, Solar walked towards her booked taxi. "I thought you said nothing would change. What about us, Yongsun?"

With that question Solar stopped her tracks but she doesn't look back, she can't let her guard down, she knows very well that Moonbyul can easily pull her back in with her words so she tries her best not to listen. But the little crack on Moonbyul's voice caught Solar's attention.

"There's no more 'us', Byul." she said, she wanted to sound convincing, she wanted to sound as if she doesn't have any inhibitions at all but Moonbyul stepped in front of her with her eyes that Solar has drowned herself in, many times before; so it came out as a whisper.

"That's it?" Moonbyul wanted to be mad, she wanted to be angry but all she is right now is hurt. "Five years, Yonsun. Five years and you're just going to throw that all away like this? You're not even going to give me another chance to fix this?"

"Five years." Solar nodded. "I already gave 5 years of my life to this relationship. It's about time you give me what I want." she stated with cold determination that she almost flinched, herself.

"But Yongsun you're asking for too much." Moonbyul's voice is trembling, "You want me to let you go."

Yongsun wanted to cry again, but she didn't think she has the right to. She's the one who's hurting Moonbyul, she didn't deserve to cry.

"Yongsun-ah...let's fix this please. If this is about me being too stubborn, being too greasy - I'm going to try harder okay?" Moonbyul was bargaining again, she felt like she was talking to a brick wall but she have to try.

She grabs Yongsun's hand when the older girl reached for the car door. She didn't care that the driver can hear them or that he was staring at them.

"Byul, I need this." It was Yongsun's turn to plead. "You need it too." she stated.

"But you're the one I need." Moonbyul stated. "I love you."

" _I love you too_." Yongsun thought, but she wasn't able to say it out loud; it would be very counter productive in her part. Instead she begs her to stop, "Byul...please."

Moonbyul really didn't want to let go, but it seemed like there was nothing she can do to change the girl's mind for now. So she lets go of Yongsun's hand, and watched her as the other girl ride her car and drive off.

  



	2. Ten Seconds

 

* * *

* * *

"Was I wrong? Am I a horrible person?" Yongsun asks Hyejin after she told her everything that happened last night.

"Of course not. You just did what you think is right." Hyejin tried to assure their leader, her tone full of understanding. "But, unnie, if you want to make your relationship public, we'll support you, you know that, right?"

Yongsun smiled, of course they will, but that doesn't mean that their group will not receive any backlash; in the world they are living in, same sex relationships is all fun and good as long as its not real. "I know that, Hyejin, but I really think we both need space to get ourselves in the right perspective. So that we're both sure we're not settling."

It was their career amongst many other things.

Yongsun didn't want to admit it out loud but she got tired of their relationship, as if somewhere along the way she lost herself. She was too caught up being in love with Moonbyul that she acted as if nothing else matters, as if love will always be enough but one day reality hit her. Their relationship will had consequences that they will have to face, but Yongsun realized she wasn't prepared for that. She still have so many things she wants to do, and staying in a relationship with Byul meant risking those dreams.

"I see." Hyejin nodded in approval. "but...unnie...do you think its okay for the both of you to see each other a day after a break up?"

"What will I do tomorrow?" Yongsun asks no one in particular, plopping her head on both her hands. Their practice will surely be tension filled tomorrow.

"I'd usually tell you to try and fix things. But if this is really what both of you need...then just be strong. It's going to be painful and difficult but hopefully all the pain will be worth it." Hyejin advised, making Yongsun think that maturity really isn't based on age.

* * *

 

Moonbyul didn't know if she could get used to this; waking up without the pink haired yeba bothering her, when she enters the bathroom there will be no one confidently dancing naked in front of a mirror, there will be no one to comfort her when she's tired from work, there will be no one to reassure her that everything's going to be fine.

She wonders how she could survive their dance practice tomorrow seeing Yongsun and not being able to hold her.

She thinks twice if she should just skip it; but then she realized she won't get to see Yongsun if she doesn't come, so she decided to go.

She'd rather look at her from afar than not see her at all.

 

* * *

**_-Dance Practice-_ **

"Unnie, you didn't have to move out. You could just switch rooms with Wheein. I'm sure she'll agree, right Wheein?" Hyejin suggested.

"I'm not a fan of grumpy Byul, but I'd do it." Wheein agreed.

"You're going to miss me, aren't you?" Yongsun teased, trying to think lightly of the situation. "Don't worry, we'll still see each other everyday. We have practices and events." she reassured her dongsaengs.

"Exactly, so what difference will it make if you stayed at our apartment?" Hyejin questioned, it will surely be hard for her to adjust to the new atmosphere in their apartment. The presence of their leader that never fails to brighten up the mood won't be there anymore. She couldn't even imagine what Moonbyul must be going through.

"We have so many memories there and I don't think I can deal with that..." Solar reasoned but was cut short when Moonbyul entered the room.

Yongsun didn't expect Moonbyul to come, if she's being honest she was kind of hoping she wouldn't get to see her today. It will be easier for her not to be reminded of what she had just let go of.

But none the less, the sight of the blue haired girl comforted her. It crossed her mind that Moonbyul might quit, she prayed hard the night before that she won't; Moonbyul showing up at their practice is a good sign.

"Unnie, I thought you're not feeling well?" Wheein asked curiously. She made breakfast for the three of them, trying her best to start the day with a good mood but Byul didn't even open the door for her, she didn't leave her room. She told them she doesn't feel well through text, so Wheein and Hyejin decided to give her some space.

"Can't miss practice." Moonbyul shrugged.

But as Wheein stared at where Moonbyul is looking at; she realized that what she meant by that is that she can't miss the chance to see Solar.

* * *

The day went by with Moonbyul stealing glances at Yongsun when she thinks the other is not looking, and Yongsun trying to catch a glimpse of Moonbyul, only to see that the other girl is already looking at her.

The practice went unexpectedly well, both of the older girls were professional enough to set aside their personal conflict.

Solar's current apartment isn't too far from their former home so she still took a ride with her group members on the way home.

Moonbyul was uncharacteristically quiet the whole ride home, which is expected but is still surprising.

When Solar stepped down the car in front of her new home she bid the members and their manager a goodbye.

The car was about to start again but Moonbyul told their manager to wait. "Give me ten seconds." she said without tearing her gaze away from an unaware Solar whose busy finding her keys.

Moonbyul didn't move from her spot, she just stared at Yongsun through the car window.

Wheein and Hyejin shared a knowing look.

"Just ten seconds, I promise." Byul states.

1...

2...

3...

4...

5...

_"Please..."_

6...

7...

8...

She just wanted - no - needed Solar to look at her. Just one look. One look to help her sleep tonight, to make her feel just a little bit better. One look to make her hope that tomorrow will be better.

9...

10...

But Solar didn't turn her gaze in her direction so she signals the driver to go.

It became a routine, that Moonbyul didn't even have to say anything anymore, their manager will automatically wait for 10 seconds before it drives the car away from Solar's apartment.

But not once did Moonbyul see Solar look back.

* * *

* * *

**_2 months passed_** after Solar and Moonbyul's break up.

Because of their busy schedules, they were too preoccupied to deal with their broken hearts.

During the days, they both have their fans who love and support them, but when the sun hides and the moon takes charge, they both end up crying their self to sleep.

They didn't know if they should be thankful, because not having the time to deal with their problems also meant not having the time to heal.

So when their CEO announced that they can have a month long break Solar was relieved.

The moomoos noticed her cold war with Moonbyul, she already expected it since they've been distant on their performances, but maybe with this break they can have time to heal so they can go back to their greasy old selves. Maybe not as close, but at least close enough for the fans to not worry.

She just misses their mischevious interactions, and their sweet conversations.

She misses her.

She miss Moonbyul so much and it hurts her knowing that she doesn't have the right to feel so.

* * *

* * *

Moonbyul insisted earlier that she will wait for Solar outside their rented restaurant because the rain was heavy and just in case the older girl didn't bring an umbrella, she could lend her hers.

They have a small gathering along with some of their friends, like they always do whenever they have free time.

"Unnie. Come inside now; she's not coming." Wheein said sympathetically when Solar cancelled on them on the last minute.

But instead of going inside Moonbyul walked in the middle of the street, standing in the rain.

"Unnie!" Wheein shouted in surprise. "You'll catch a cold."

"Do you think if I get sick, she'll finally talk to me?" Moonbyuls asked, and if it were any other circumstances Wheein would've thought she was just joking, but in this instance Wheein knows she's dead serious.

"You're acting like a fool." Wheein said in gritted teeth, she didn't like how Moonbyul looked so desperate, and how she knows she can't do anything about it because she's not Yongsun.

"If I get sick and end up in a hospital, I think she'll talk to me then...right?" Moonbyul said, spreading her arms as if she's welcoming the rain, while still holding the bottle that intoxicated her in one hand and her unused umbrella in the other.

"Let's come inside, please." Wheein held Moonbyul's arms trying to drag the girl inside the restaurant but the older girl is stronger than her.

Hyejin and Seulgi stepped outside to check on Moonbyul and Wheein since they've been outside for a while.

"What are you guys doing?" Hyejin called out when she sees Wheein seeming like she's playing tug of war with Moonbyul without any umbrella.

But she didn't get an answer from the two as they continue their conversation.

"If I get sick, she'll take me back for sure." Moonbyul stated. She didn't care if she gets sick; that's the whole point.

"She won't take you back anymore." Wheein shouted, she regretted it as soon as she said it but Moonbyul needed to hear it.

Hyejin and Seulgi both grabbed their umbrella's to cover the two from the falling rain but Moonbyul took a step back, "What did you say?" she asked Wheein with anger filling her voice.

"Moonbyul, stop." Seulgi warned, stepping between Wheein and Byul while Hwasa gently pulls Wheein back under the roof.

"Whatever." Moonbyul said before leaving.

\-------------------

 


	3. New Cafe

 

* * *

* * *

"Solar." Yongsun heard a familiar voice call her, when she turn to face the owner of the voice she saw Eric Nam. "It is you. Long time no see." he said leaning in for a hug, which Solar politely reciprocated.

"Yeah.” she said simply, guilty that she purposefully avoided the boy to refrain her girlfr- ex girlfriend from being jealous.

"Did you change your number? You weren't replying to my texts." Eric asked innocently.

"Yeah. Sorry, I forgot to inform you." she answered with a smile.

"Ah, it's okay. Anyway, where are you heading?" he asked, hoping the other girl didn't have any plans for the day; he missed Solar, he hasn't seen her since the WGM ended, and he genuinely enjoyed their time together.

"I was just about to meet the girls with some of our friends." she said referring to her group mates. Seulgi and Irene just opened their new cafe and Mamamoo was invited to their private celebration.

"Do you want me to give you a ride?" Eric offered.

"What? No!" she said too loudly. She isn't sure if Moonbyul would be there and she knows that it will not look good if she sees them together. "I mean you don't have to...I'm just waiting for my service; he'll be here soon." She tried to sound as casual as possible but she really hoped Eric wouldn’t insist anymore.

But luck doesn’t seem to be on her side because Eric seemed persistent. "I don't mind come on."

* * *

Hyejin and Wheein both stepped outside the cafe to welcome Solar when the latter told them that she's already in the parking lot; they haven't seen their leader for a month after all. The two maknaes made it a joke that Solar really took the one month break literally, since it felt like she broke up with all of them.

"Wheein! Hyejin!" Solar called out enthusiastically making a beeline towards the girls and hugging them tightly. "I've missed you guys."

"Well, whose fault is that?" Hyejin questions playfully, rolling her eyes.

"I know. I know. But I'm here now." Solar answered.

Yongsun almost forgot that she has someone with her if it wasn’t for Wheein.

"Oh, Unnie, You didn't tell us you'd bring Eric-oppa." it wasn't that Wheein didn't want the boy there, but she was worried about Moonbyul's reaction if she ever decides to show up.

"Oh- no. I just gave Solar a ride." Eric stated, the surprise in Wheein's voice didn't go unnoticed so he tried to avoid any misunderstanding.

"Red Velvet and Minhyuk are inside, you should come as well so Minhyuk won't be the only guy, since Loco can't come today." Hwasa offered, trying to be polite. Moonbyul said she couldn't come so there shouldn't be any problem. "I'm sure they won't mind."

"Oh...okay." Eric agreed, too eagerly in Hyejin’s opinion.

As they entered the restaurant, Yongsun and Eric was greeted by their fellow singers as they take their respective seats.

Seulgi was about to serve their meal when she saw Moonbyul approaching.

While placing the food down the table, Seulgi silently warned Solar that Moonbyul’s already at the door. Her nerves were on edge knowing that her friend Byul never liked Eric that much, she just hopes Moonbyul have extra self-control today.

Hyejin gave Solar an apologetic look, which Solar answered with a reassuring smile.

"This is going to be messy for sure." Minhyuk remarked, which earned Eric confused.

"Relax, you guys." Irene whispered. Moonbyul didn't look drunk; maybe she won't make a scene, Irene thought to herself.

"Unnie!" Wheein greeted her co-memeber.

Moonbyul shot her a small smile before focusing her attention on the newly blonde girl that she hasn't seen in a long time; if she doesn't count their encounter in her dreams and thoughts.

"Yong." she says ever so softly, as if her name could break in her mouth.

Yongsun turned to face her and greet her back, "Byul." she gave her a smile, but not as genuine as she would've been if the presence of Eric beside her didn't make her anxious.

And as if on cue, the smile on Moonbyul's face faltered when she saw the guy beside Solar. The guy who's been "married" to Solar on a stupid tv show. The guy they fought over a few times; the guy who just wouldn't leave Solar alone.

"Eric." she acknowledged his presence with a smile, but it definitely wasn't a friendly one. Eric stood up to shake her hand but she just stared at it.

Eric proceeded to lightly scratching his head to refrain himself from more embarrassment, when the other girl didn’t reach for his hand. He smiled at her instead; he thought that maybe Moonbyul isn’t in a good mood for handshakes. "Nice to see you, again." he greeted.

"I wish I could say the same." Moonbyul replied, not hiding the malice in her voice.

Moonbyul chuckled, trying to pass it off as a joke but everyone who heard knew it was far from humor.

"Moonbyul, don't make a scene." Seulgi whispered as a warning, placing her hand on Moonbyul's shoulder in attempt to calm her.

Fortunately, Moonbyul listened to her and settled in her seat next to Wheein.

"Seulgi and Irene! Congratulations on your new cafe!" Minhyuk exclaimed, trying to pacify the situation.

"Congrats!" the rest followed as they raised their cups, while Moonbyul just chugged down her wine.

Everyone was saying their congratulatory messaged when Moonbyul cut them off. "You should congratulate Solar too." she stated, her eyes looked cold as she stared straight at Solar.

Maybe this is what Solar meant when she was talking about the ‘what ifs’. She didn't have to hide now since Eric is a boy and their relationship is acceptable to society. Surely, Solar's parents wouldn't have a problem with Eric.

Moonbyul didn’t want to admit it, but Eric is obviously a decent man that could very well take care of Solar. He’s someone Moonbyul would approve of if she didn’t want Solar for herself. She was inwardly seething with the thought of it.

"Congratulations, Solar-unnie." Moonbyul said out of spite. "You finally found someone to replace me."

Hyejin held her breath, hoping that Eric doesn’t assume that her unnie is talking about him, or else Moonbyul just revealed her relationship with Solar to Eric Nam.

But judging the expression of Eric’s face, he looked genuinely confused with the sudden outburst.

No one dared to speak, mostly because no one knew what to say. "Cheers!" Moonbyul exclaimed as she raised her glass. "Come on, Wheein, Hyejin, Minyuk- let's toast to that!"

"Byul-unnie, stop." Wheein said just above a whisper, just loud enough for Moonbyul to hear; trying to prevent her friend from making a fool out of herself.

But when did Moonbyul ever listen to her. The rapper stood up abruptly.

"Let's go outside, Byul." Minyuk offered, trying to ease the tension. "Let's talk about this outside." he tried to lead Moonbyul outside but the girl was able to push him away.

"Didn't you know about the three month rule?" Moonbyul asked staring down at a stunned Solar. "Everyone who has fallen in love and broke up knows about that!" she exclaimed, she hear some of her friends gasp but she didn’t care.

Solar was about to say something but Moonbyul continued. "You're supposed to wait. Wait for at least three months before you go and find someone else. Don't you know that?!"

Maybe it was Eric being naïve, but it only made sense to him why Moonbyul isn’t in the mood for handshakes.

He didn’t expect Moonbyul and Solar to be involved in a romantic relationship together, but he can’t say he’s surprised either.

"Unnie, that's enough." Hyejin tries to stop Moonbyul, grabbing her arms but the rapper was able to shrug her off easily.

"I'm not done yet, Hyejin." the icy stare that Moonbyul shot her sent chills to her spine.

"Unnie, let's just go." Wheein pleaded, but as usual Moonbyul ignored her.

"I still have two weeks left." Moonbyul's voice cracks, her tears threatening to fall any moment. As if it would change anything, as if she could take Yongsun back in a span of two weeks, she repeats herself. "Two weeks!" she gestures with her fingers.

Yongsun couldn't say anything, she could explain to Moonbyul that Eric is just a friend but she's sure it'll only fall into deaf ears.

"Why are you itching to replace me, huh?!" She wonders how long they've been seeing each other; just thinking about it makes her furious.

"Unnie, please stop." Wheein pleaded again, while the rest of them were too stunned to react.

"Moonbyul, I don't want any trouble." Eric finally managed to say, he was about to explain himself when Moonbyul looked like he was about to hit him.

Before Moonbyul could step closer to Eric, Minhyuk and Hyejin held her tight. "You might be a man but I could easily break your face." Moonbyul threatened which caused Solar to stand up in anger.

She didn't like Moonbyul behaving like this, this isn't like her. She's supposed to be loving and sweet and caring. She didn't like that she made Byul like this. "Moonbyul, go home!"

"I did everything! Everything, Solar! What else do you want me to do?" Moonbyul shouted. She didn't want to shout at Solar, but the ache in her chest makes her want to explode.

"Damn you!" she shouts as Hyejin and Minhyuk struggles to hold her down. She hates how helpless she is, how she gave everything to Solar but somehow it still wasn't enough.

"Are you really that heartless?" she hates how she tried so hard to reach Solar since their breakup, how she begged her for another chance but never got any reply. "Come on, answer me! _What_?!" Her voice cracked at the end but she didn't seem fazed by it.

"Moonbyul! Stop!" Irene shouted louder than Moonbyul's rants, which finally caught the other girl's attention.

She finally stopped; her actions finally dawned on her, but tears started to fall from her eyes as soon as she calmed down.

Yongsun wanted to wrap Moonbyul in her arms, she wanted to wipe away those tears like she used to do, _and she almost did_. **Almost**. But she has to be strong, for the both of them. Moonbyul just proved to her that their relationship has become unhealthy; how dependent of each other they've become.

"Kim Yongsun, I love you so much." Moonbyul's voice was trembling as she tries to fight back her tears. "I love you and its already hurting me too much." she sounded broken just as much as she looked like it.

She then laughed humorlessly at how pathetic she was before wiping her tears and walking away.

Wheein and Hyejin followed Moonbyul, while the rest of them tried to comfort Yongsun as she catches her breath from crying too hard.

Her friends were trying to comfort her with words but she couldn’t seem to hear them. Her mind is too focused on what just happened. She hurt Byul so bad that she ended up despising her. The look on Moonbyul’s face kept replaying in her head.

And she hates herself for not being able to do anything but cry.

* * *

Moonbyul just wanted to be reckless, she wanted to drive anywhere away from the cafe, away from the girl that's been causing her too much pain.

Wheein and Hyejin tried to stop her telling her that she wasn't in the condition to drive but Byul has always been stubborn. She kept on reasoning that she wasn't drunk and that she can handle herself. She said she just wants to be alone, and fairly enough her two younger members let her be.

So now she's driving, she knows that she's driving beyond the speed limit but she doesn't care. She wants to let loose. She wants to take away the pain and for a moment she thought that if her car crashed the pain will stop.

And not a second later she hears an explosion and she loses control of the handle.

\--------------


	4. Last Night

When Moonbyul arrived at their apartment she saw Wheein and Hyejin rested on the sofa. Hyejin was already asleep on Wheein's lap while the other girl's eyes were fixated on the tv.

"Byul-unnie." The younger one stood up after gently laying Hyejin's head against a pillow.

"You're still awake." Moonbyul stated. She was aware that it was way past midnight, and Wheein isn't the type of person to stay up late.

"We were waiting for you." Wheein mumbled, and Moonbyul wondered why her friend would be shy to say something so simple.

Much to Wheein's surprise, she felt Moonbyul's arms tightly wrapped around her, as if she might disappear if she ever lets go.

Since Wheein's own arms were wrapped in Moonbyul's embrace and couldn't hug back she just gripped the rapper's shirt with her hands on both sides.

"I thought I was going to die." Moonbyul whispered, sighing in relief as if its her first time finally being able to breathe.

And as much as Wheein is enjoying their contact she pulled away from Moonbyul; concern got the best of her. "What happened?" her voice suddenly full of worry. The thought of not ever seeing Moonbyul flooded in her mind. "I knew we shouldn't have let you drive."

"Hey..." Moonbyul cooed, trying to ease the worry of her friend. "I'm here now. I'm fine." she reassured; she didn't expect Wheein would react this way but she couldn't say she's surprised.

"But you just said you could've died!" Wheein exclaimed.

"No. I said I thought I was going to die." Moonbyul chuckled, amused with how the smaller girl is worried about her. "My tire exploded but I was able to step on the break, okay? I'm fine. I'm here. I'm alive." she says as if her presence in front of Wheein is not enough proof to assure her that she's alive.

"That's not funny." Wheein said, lightly hitting Moonbyul's left arm, she's frustrated at how lightly Byul is taking the situation.

Moonbyul chuckled again, oblivious of the thoughts that flooded Wheein's mind.

"Thank you." Moonbyul said with a soft smile plastered on her face.

"You're crazy." Wheein said in disbelief, she just hit the girl and she's thanking her.

"Thank you for waiting for me tonight." Moonbyul explained. "Thank you for caring about me."

Wheein furrowed her brows. Moonbyul is thanking her for the things friends are supposed to be doing. That should already be a given. She didn't need to thank them for it.

Wheein looked confused, but she doesn't question Moonbyul so she continues. "Thank you for always supporting me, for giving me strength and courage. Thank you for always being there for me. Maybe its the same reason why I take you for granted; because I know you're always gonna be there."

"Unnie..." Wheein wanted to say something but she didn't know what to say. She feels like her heart might explode at any moment; her heart beating erratically against her ribcage.

"You and Hyejin...you guys were there for me when Yongsun and I broke up. I was stubborn and I know I'm hard to deal with but you guys stayed. So thank you for that." Moonbyul almost cried if her eyes didn't run dry from crying so much; she's been crying since she left the party last night.

Wheein on the other hand doesn't seem to be having any problem crying on that moment.

"Wheeinie, don't cry, please." she said as she wipes the other girl's tears with her thumb.

And Wheein just smiled in response, her infamous dimple making an appearance while tears continously flow from her eyes.

Moonbyul didn't know why she had the urge to trace Wheein's dimple, but she did, and the gesture rendered both of them surprised. 

If it were any other time they would've just laughed it off, Wheein would've told Moonbyul that she's being weird again, but in that moment, after Moonbyul just said the words that she said, Wheein undeniably felt as if there was a butterfly sanctuary inside her stomach.

It felt intimate, and it seemed like Moonbyul felt it too because she almost jumped at Hyejin's voice, as if they were caught red handed.

"Ya, what are you guys doing?" the maknae just sat straight up on the couch, her eyes were half closed, her voice was raspier than usual.

"Nothing!" both of them half shouts simultaneously.

Hyejin just raised her eyebrow knowingly and laid back to sleep.

* * *

* * *

_When she lost control of her car she felt her life flash before her eyes._

_Memories of her loved ones flooded her mind...like her family but it was mostly about Yongsun but there were lots of memories that included Wheein and Hyejin as well._

_Hyejin and Wheein. She suddenly realized how badly she treated her dongsaengs._

_Even at the cafe she shrugged them off like they didn't mean as much to her as they actually did._

_She remembers how Wheein would always wake her up for breakfast, how Hyejin would actively think of new things for them to do just to distract her from being sad, how they would both tuck her in at night when she's too drunk to take care of herself._

_She remembers how she sometimes shout at both Wheein and Hyejin, how she tells them she doesn't need anyone but Yongsun. She remebers how she lets all their effort go to waste but somehow...they stayed by her side._

_She takes a mental note to apologize and thank them when she gets back home._

_And before she knows it her thoughts were suddenly back at Solar._

_How_ s _he even brought Eric Nam to their 'private' dinner party. Its like she wanted to flaunt their relationship to her. Thinking about it makes Moonbyul really furious so she tries to divert her thoughts._

* * *

* * *

_It was a month after their break up. She went out with Seulgi and Minhyuk. Moonbyul drank more than she could handle so Hyejin and Wheein came to pick her up._

_"Who are you?" Moonbyul asked in a slur, as her friend helps her get to bed._

_"Unnie, it's Wheein." The younger girl replied, rolling her eyes; they were going back and forth with the same questions since they picked her up from the bar._

_Wheein didn't know why she kept answering but she still does._

_Hyejin then appeared with Moonbyul's comfortable clothes, placing them on the bed. "I'll just get her a glass of water."_

_"Wheein-ah!" Moonbyul said enthusiastically. "Why are you guys so kind to me?"_

_"Byul-unnie, let's get you changed okay?"  Wheein ignored her question as she tries to help her friend up._

_"You look pretty with your hair blonde. It suits you." Moonbyul said as Wheein starts to remove her top. "Woah. At least take me to dinner first." She exclaimed._

_Wheein didn't know how to react, she felt her cheeks heat up in embarassment, her pale cheeks slowly turning rosy pink. "Unnie, I'm just going to change your clothes."_

_Hyejin then returns with an amused smile. "At least we know its still our greasy Byul." She remarked as she places the glass on the nightstand._

_"Wheein-ah. Have I told you that you look pretty?" Moonbyul asks._

_"About a hundred times now." Hyejin giggles which earned an annoyed look from Wheein._

_"Please tell me you're going to help?" Wheein begged Hyejin who's enjoying the scene unfolding in front of her._

_"Well that's because you really look pretty. Maybe that's why Yongsun gets jealous sometimes. But she doesn't have to be jealous. She's the most beautiful person to me. Always." Moonbyul states and the mood suddenly dampens._

_Wheein knows she shouldn't feel disappointed. She should just be flattered that her unnie finds her pretty, but Moonbyul just reminded her that she could never compete with Solar, so she couldn't help but feel a pang of pain_.

 _"You look pretty too, Hyejin-ah. Please don't be jealous." Moonbyul smiles at her_.

_Hyejin almost laughs, she would've, if it weren't for the pout displayed on her best friend's face. Hyejin doesn't think she's the one Moonbyul should stop from being jealous._

* * *

* * *

Hyejin remembers waiting for Byul and falling asleep at the sofa with Wheein, so she was dumbfounded when she wakes up at her bed the next morning.

"Good morning, sleepy head." She heard Moonbyul greet her.

She was taken aback seeing her unnie in such a great mood this early considering the way she has been the past months. "Unnie, is that really you?"

Moonbyul just laughs as Hyejin blinks twice. "I made us breakfast."

Hyejin gasped. "No you didn't! Who are you and what have you done with our Byulyi-unnie?!"

"Hyejin-ah, I'm trying to sleep." Wheein mumbles in her bed, pulling her blanket up to her head.

"Byul-unnie made us breakfast." Hyejin stated, making Wheein sit straight up.

"I just..." Moonbyul mumbles. "We only have two weeks left until we start preparing for our comeback, and all you two did was take care of me. I'm just trying to make it up to you."

"Awwww." Hyejin and Wheein cooed simultaneously.

"That's sweet of you, unnie." Hyejin states.

"But Hyejin, please go sleep on your bed next time." Moonbyul added.

"You carried me to bed?" Hyejin's eyes were glistening in amusement. "Consider me touched."

"Thank goodness. You weren't exactly light." Moonbyul jokes earning a glare from Hyejin.

"And what have you two been up to while I was sleeping?" Hyejin decides to ask, trying to get back at her unnie for teasing her. She remembered seeing the two in a deep conversation last night. It even looked like they were about to kiss but Hyejin shrugged the thought off her mind; its ridiculous.

But her friends didn't answer and exchanged looks instead of casually shrugging it off. Hyejin raises her eyebrows, "What did I miss?"

"Nothing." Wheein tries to cut off the conversation but its too late to satisfy Hyejin's growing curiosity.

* * *

"Yongsun, thanks for inviting me for coffee." Eric Nam said politely as he sat down across Solar.

Solar felt bad for what Moonbyul did to Eric so she invited him out as a token of apology.

"I just really feel bad for what happened last night. I shouldn't have let that happen." Yongsun explains.

"That's beyond your control. You don't have to apologize." Eric assured her.

Silence settled between them after that.

"So, ah..." he contemplates if he should ask but decided to go on. "...you and Moonbyul huh?" He asked carefully.

"Yeah." Solar said quietly letting herself smile at the fact of hearing Moonbyul's name in that manner, "but its all in the past now." She adds, not wanting to think about it now or she'll end up getting sad eventually. "And...about that..." another thing why she invited Eric was to do damage control.

"I'll keep it a secret." He answers knowingly, and Solar gives him a thankful smile.

"You know, when Wendy and I broke up--" Eric starts.

"Wait! Wendy? As in the girl that sat across you last night? Red Velvet Wendy?" Solar asks wide-eyed. Why didn't she know about that? Sure Wendy and her aren't particularly close but the Red Velvet members all knew about her and Byul, how come she didn't know about Wendy and Eric? She felt cheated, but then Eric laughs and she was snapped out of her monologue.

"Yes. That Wendy." Eric confirms, his smile widening across his face.

It finally made sense to Solar why Eric was so excited to come with her last night, she almost thought Eric really like her; that would've been really awkward. She's relieved she didn't have to let down anyone anymore.

"What did she say about last night? She knows we're just friends, right?" Solar asks, she didn't want to upset any more people than she already have.

"Relax." Eric smiles reassuringly. "She knows we're just friends. She actually took the liberty to tease me about it last night."

"So you guys are still in good terms?" she asks.

"Yeah. Its been half a year, and we separated on good terms." Eric replied, taking in pride with his relationship with his ex.

"That's...fortunate." Solar replies, wondering if she could have that kind of relationship with Moonbyul.

"Yeah. If you call breaking up with the love of your life fortunate." Eric laughs but Solar could see a hint of regret in his eyes.

"Did you break up because you have to keep it a secret?" She asks, even though she wonders why they would have to hide their relationship. Would they have received too much backlash? Yongsun didn't think so.

"If only that was the case. Then I can fix it easily." Eric replies with a dejected smile.

Yongsun couldn't help but be jealous at how lightly Eric talked about hiding his relationship from the public eye, as if it wasn't one of the reasons why Moonbyul and her broke up, as if the hardships they went through was a piece of cake.

Yongsun felt frustration building up on her mind. Eric talks so lightly about the issue because its 'normal' for them to fall in love. It was their choice to hide their relationship, meanwhile her and Byul didn't have that choice.

And it hurts how she couldn't do anything about that.

"But the problem is...I became unsure." Eric confesses.

And Yongsun couldn't relate more. Sure, she loves Moonbyul, she never had any doubt about that. But they've been together for too long without major changes in their life, that it felt like a dead end if she don't decide to do something about it.

She felt stuck and suffocated, it didn't feel like they were growing anymore. She's been feeling this way since last year, but she tried her best to shrug it off. Moonbyul looked so happy, she couldn't possibly ruin that for her; so she tries to put her feelings aside. But recently, her thoughts became unbearable so she decided that maybe its time for them to grow apart.

\------------------  
  
  
  


 


	5. Sinking Ship

 

* * *

* * *

_A week passed since Moonbyul's outburst happened._

It was a usual day for Wheein, Hyejin and Moonbyul, and being the homebodies that they are, they decided to stay in and hang out in their apartment.

Hyejin and Moonbyul settled on watching a movie while Wheein is busy writing a song.

"Wheein-ah. Look at me." Moonbyul demanded, causing the younger one to look up from her notebook.

"Why? You're just taking pictures of yourself." Wheein questioned only to see her unnie holding up a phone pointed at herself.

Moonbyul makes eye contact with the blonde girl with a greasy smile plastered on her face. "So I could smile." she reasoned.

"Unnie, stop that." Wheein blushes as she tries her best to stop her lips from forming a smile.

Hyejin rolls her eyes with the scene unfolding in front of her, unable to focus on the movie they're supposed to be watching. "Byulyi-unnie, stop that. Wheein might actually believe you." Hyejin says feigning annoyance.

Moonbyul has been teasing and flirting with Wheein non stop for a week now, and even though Hyejin is secretly enjoying their interactions, she's getting tired of Moonbyul's bragging smile every time she successfully makes Wheein blush, which is 101% of the time.

"Wheein-ah." Moonbyul calls her attention. "Do you want me to stop?" she asks with a pretense innocence, as if Wheein haven't told her a hundred times to stop.

In her defense though, Wheein seemed like she's actually enjoying it, and Moonbyul enjoys making Wheein smile.

"Yes, please?" Wheein deadpanned. Even though if she's being honest, she'd rather have this greasy Moonbyul than the one who drinks and cries all day. If only her heart isn't too fragile to play games, maybe she would've encouraged her Moonbyul unnie to continue.

"Sorry, you just look so pretty that I can't help but bug you." Moonbyul confesses, she sounded like she's kidding but she genuinely liked teasing Wheein just because her reactions are cute.

"So why aren't you teasing me?" Hyejin questioned. "Don't I look pretty to you?" Hyejin asks, as she pouts playfully, pretending to be offended.

"What?" Moonbyul asks with flushed cheeks, trying to figure out if Hyejin is being serious. "Of course I find you pretty Hyejin-ah. Its just that..." she tries to find the words to justify her actions.

Hyejin narrows her eyes. "Its just that I'm not your type?" she inquired with a smirk, deciding to tease her unnie further, but then Moonbyul was unable to answer her and she was taken aback as realization dawned on her.

Is it possible that her unnie really liked Wheein? It definitely seemed like it. Moonbyul used to tease Solar a lot before too, enjoying the girl's reactions. But Hyejin thinks Moonbyul surely hasn't moved on from Solar yet; just a week ago she was shouting at Yongsun for being able to move on so quickly.

She shrugs off the thought when she couldn't make sense of the situation.

She then notice Wheein, the girl still have her eyes glued on the paper she was writing on, but Hyejin knew that Wheein's attention was fully on their conversation for a while now, waiting for Moonbyul's answer as well.

"That's not what I'm saying." Moonbyul protests with a defensive posture, taking Hyejin's question seriously.

"But you admit that Wheein's your type?" Hyejin asks further, this time genuinely out of curiousity.

"Hyejin, I'm right here." Wheein points out, conscious that her friends are talking about her in that context when she's in the same room with them.

"She is." Moonbyul states, so easily, that Wheein didn't know if she should believe her, but it made her feel like her heart was auditioning for Cirque Du Soleil nonetheless.

But then Moonbyul laughed when she saw Hyejin's shocked expression. "You should've seen your face." she jested.

Hyejin then chuckles, she didn't realize she was holding her breath. She fell for her unnie's joke because she sounded sincere despite her tone.

Wheein knew it wasn't Byulyi's intention to play with her heart. She knows Moonbyul was messing with Hyejin and not her, but she felt her anger boil up inside her.

Suddenly their living room felt narrow; she felt like suffocating. She abruptly stands up from the sofa and walks inside her room.

"Wheein-ah." Moonbyul called out, both the girls noticing that Wheein looked upset.

Moonbyul was about to follow her but Hyejin stopped her.

"Unnie." Hyejin calls out. "Leave her be. I'll talk to her." Hyejin instructed, and Moonbyul complies, knowing that it Wheein is really upset, Hyejin would be able to calm her down.

* * *

When Hyejin followed Wheein in their room, the other girl was on her bed covered by her blanket from head to toe.

Hyejin locks the door before sitting on her best friend's bed, not wanting anyone to disturb their impending conversation.

"So you do like Byul-yi unnie." it was a statement rather than a question because she knows Wheein too well and there's no doubt in her mind now that her best friend really likes their unnie.

When Wheein didn't answer she continues. "Since when?" still no answer from the other girl.

"Wheein, you can't keep all of that to yourself." She forcefully removes Wheein's blanket. " I won't let you." she states, as she looks down at a curled up Wheein.

Realizing that Hyejin won't leave her alone unless she talk too her about it, Wheein releases a heavy sigh and sits up, turning her body to face Hyejin but not being able to meet her best friend's gaze;

Hyejin holds her hands when she sees her best friend fidgeting her hands. She squeezes it as a sign of reassurance; giving her strength to speak up. "You can tell me anything. If you're not ready to talk to me that's fine, but if you want someone to listen I'm here."

Wheein sighs deeply, gathering the courage to tell Hyejin the thoughts that's been invading her mind for so long. She opens her mouth but she didn't know where to start, and Hyejin notices, so she helps her by asking a question instead.

"Why were you upset?" she asks, giving Wheein a chance to process her feelings so she could start expressing it.

The blonde girl shakes her head. "I know she was just teasing you earlier, it shouldn't be a big deal." she states, seeming like she's talking to herself rather than to Hyejin. "But that's the thing; when it comes to her everything is a big deal." she says in frustration. "So even when I know that her compliments and all those flirting meant nothing to her I still fall for it everytime and I'm so mad at myself for letting it happen. I should've known better. But still..." she huffs in frustration, "...this" she points her heart with her fist. "-I still let myself hope that she could like me back."

Hyejin opens her mouth to say something reassuring like how she shouldn't lose hope, that Hyejin thinks its possible for their Moonbyul-unnie to love her back, but she's not in the position to speak for her unnie. They both know Moonbyul is still hang up with their Solar-unnie. It wouldn't help anyone to sugarcoat the situation, and she definitely do not want to give Wheein false hope, so she closes her mouth and settles caressing Wheein's back.

Wheein bites her lower lip. "I wanted to be a good friend. I wanted to be there for her while she's hurting. I want to hope that they can fix their relationship but my mind just keeps thinking that maybe if it was me instead of Solar unnie, she wouldn't be this hurt." she shakes her head. "And I hate myself more because I'm being such a bad friend." tears started falling from Wheein's eyes.

"No, no, no." Hyejin cooes, caressing Wheein's arm for comfort. She never liked seeing Wheein cry. She didn't know how long she could hold her own tears if Wheein don't stop crying. "You're a good friend, Wheein. You can't control your thoughts but you can control your actions. And you did nothing but be a good friend to all of us."

"I feel like I'm betraying Solar-unnie, and even Moonbyul-unnie." she confesses.

Hyejin shakes her head violently before pulling Wheein in a hug. "Don't say that. You can't control how you feel. You shouldn't blame yourself." she says sympathetically.

Wheein sobs harder.  "That's the thing, I can't control my thoughts, I can't control my feelings; I feel like I'm losing control of my own life." she faltered.

"You can only be free of your thoughts if you let it out, Wheein." Hyejin theorized. "I'm sure our unnies will understand."

Wheein pulls away to face Hyejin, "Are you saying I should tell them?" Wheein looked so anxious just thinking about it. "I can't do that - I -" She's not ready to say it out loud; whatever it is that she's feeling, because she knows that its wrong. Both Solar and Moonbyul are her friends. What if Solar gets mad at her? What if Moonbyul rejects her and feels awkward afterwards.  It honestly felt like a lose-lose situation for her, and she'd rather lose knowing that both her unnies will still be her friends.

"You don't have to..." Hyejin reassures her when she notice the panic building up on Wheein. "At least not now; but when you're ready...I'll be here beside you no matter what happens." Hyejin promised sincerely.

Wheein felt like a little bit of the weight was lifted off her chest, as if Hyejin now carries the weight along with her, and she felt comforted knowing that she'll always have Hyejin; she trusted her words and she trusts her.

* * *

* * *

  _Mamamoo's month long break has passed_ , they started working again _for a month now_ ; practicing and recording for their comeback songs.

Solar and Moonbyul still isn't in speaking terms but they were professional enough to have a civil relationship like before. The stealing of glances and secret gazes came back as well, but this time around it was only from Solar's end.

The only time Moonbyul would look at her is if it was needed in the choreography, she doesn't spare her a glance more than necessary.

Moonbyul would fool around and have conversations with Wheein and Hyejin on their break time.

Sometimes Hyejin would come talk to her so she doesn't feel left out, sometimes its Wheein, and she's thankful for her members, but there was a constant ache in her heart, like a part of it was missing, and the only person that could fill it won't even dare look at her.

Moonbyul and Wheein are both working on their solo projects, so sometimes they come home later than the other members.

Hyejin and Solar won't start their solo projects until later that month so the two of them had time to bond.

"How's Byul?" Solar asks Hyejin inside their service car.

Moonbyul doesn't come when mamamoo memebers go out with the red velvet girls.

Apparently she doesn't go outside unless she's with Wheein or Hyejin.

"She's okay." Hyejin answers vaguely.

She notices how Hyejin and Wheein seemed to be avoiding having a conversation about Moonbyul with her.

She wonders if they just got tired of filling her in with what's happening with Moonbyul's life, or they know something they didn't want to tell her, and she have a strong feeling that its the latter.

* * *

Another month has passed with Solar and Moonbyul barely interacting, they have been performing for some events and fans started speculating on why 'moonsun is dead'.

Their fanbase has been following them for so long that they know that something's wrong with how Solar and Moonbyul act around each other.

Rumors about a possible disbanding has been going around and their team found it fit to make some damage control.

"A duet?!" Moonbyul and Solar both exclaimed.

"Yes." Their CEO replies calmly, opposite with the singers' reaction.

"You promised your fans on your vapp, remember? But since we weren't able to fit it in your last album, we'll do it now." He continues, this is the damage control that their team has come up with.

"Hwasa and Wheein will have their duet too but that's a discussion for another time." He elaborates.

"We'll talk later if you'll have a choreography for it. For now just work on the lyrics and melody."

Moonbyul bites her lower lip as she taps her fingers against the table; she's nervous about the whole idea.

She's not worried that her and Yongsun can't pull it off; she's sure they will.

She's just not sure if she can work with Yongsun so closely. They would have to make the lyrics together and agree with how the song would sound...and eventually make a choreography...just the two of them.

Moonbyul wants to think she's dreading it, but the butterflies flying around her stomach tells another story.

 


	6. Happier

 

* * *

* * *

When Solar arrived at Irene and Seulgi's cafe the red velvet girls along with Hyejin and Wheein were gathered in a circle, they seemed too absorbed about something that they didn't even notice she arrived.

"You look cute together." she heard Yeri say as she walks over to them.

"Moonbyul looks genuinely happy." she heard Seulgi note, hearing her girlf- _ex_ -girlfriend's name immediately sparked her interest.

"What are you guys looking at?" she asks as she looks at them expectantly, they all looked like they have seen a ghost which ticked her off in a wrong way because it meant that whatever they were looking at, they probably didn't want Solar to see, which is exactly why Yongsun became more curious.

"What's that?" she asks Wheein, noticing that they were looking at Wheein's phone.

"Oh, just my photos from the solo project I've been working on, Yongsun-ssi." Wheein replies, and Yongsun can see right through her lie.

_**"Moonbyul looks genuinely happy."** _

She wanted to think that Wheein is telling her the truth; that it was just photos of her, but her instincts were telling her otherwise. Her stomach feels hollow. At the back of her mind she's telling herself to just pretend its nothing, let her believe that its nothing, but her curiosity got the best of her.

It has something to do with Byul and she wanted to know what it is.

"Can I see?" Solar asks, smiling as if her nerves weren't on edge, extending her hand, asking Wheein to give her the phone.

Wheein gives it to her with ease, she guessed that was a good sign, but she can feel that the other girls were watching her as they hold their breaths; that's not a good sign.

_**"You look cute together."** _

Could it really be possible? Yongsun didn't like what she's thinking, but her intuition tells her that there's a big chance that she might be right.

Yongsun knew that Wheein's been crushing on Moonbyul for a long time; she knows because she sees the way Wheein looks at Moonbyul at times, she just didn't know to what extent _._ She let it slip off her mind thinking its just admiration. She didn't like to think too much to it.

She remembers having petty fights with Byul when she gets jealous of Wheein sometimes.

She takes a deep breath before looking at the photo, her shoulders relax when she sees a photo of Wheein with Sik-k, but there's still doubt in her mind so she slides the screen to the next picture.

Wheein stands beside Solar to see the pictures that she's looking at but mamamoo's leader hides it from her.

"Unnie..." she laughs nervously, "why are you hiding _my_ _photos_ from me?" she asks even though she had a pretty good idea on why.

Then she sees Solar's eyes widen a bit, it looked like she just dissociated. The frown on her face tells Wheein that Solar saw what she shouldn't have seen.

Turns out, Solar wasn't really being petty all those times she gets annoyed at Moonbyul for being too close to Wheein; she remembers Moonbyul saying that she's being unreasonable, that Wheein's not even an option.

She laughs at how ridiculous that sounds now.

Its possible that they are just **good friends** _who look cute together_ , that _Moonbyul looks genuinely happy_ **because she's with her close friend** Wheein. Yongsun desperately want to believe that but right in front of her is a picture of Moonbyul with her hand on Wheein's left cheek and her lips on the right. She felt the urge to slide to another picture but she didn't know if her heart can take to see more.

"Unnie-" Wheein started but Solar cut her off.

"Moonbyul looks happy." Yongsun smiles, she's genuinely happy to see her star that happy, but in the pit of her stomach and in the pit of her soul she feels a dull ache knowing that it wasn't her anymore that's making Moonbyul happy.

Wheein knows its a question rather than a statement, her unnie didn't have the guts to ask her directly but she knows what she meant by it so she nods, looking at the floor to avoid making eye contact with Solar.

"That's good." Solar managed to say, even though her throat were growing dry by the second. "How long?" she asks, putting on a smile even though all of them knew how she must've felt inside.

"Unnie, I didn't...I don't know how to tell you." Wheein looked genuinely sorry, and Solar really wanted to say that its okay, she wanted to make it light and joke about how _three months_ have passed any way.

But it wasn't okay for her. _She wasn't okay._

At least Solar thinks it was after three months, since Moonbyul emphasized to her the 'three month rule'.

She didn't know why she even asked, she really wasn't even curious when it started, what matters is that Moonbyul found someone else to love and it hurts like hell knowing that.

"I'm happy for you." Yongsun stated, and Wheein was reasonably skeptical about her statement.

"Yongsun-ssi, you don't have to." Wheein replied just above a whisper. Solar didn't have to say it when they both know she didn't mean it. She doesn't have to be happy for them when they both know she's hurting. Wheein knows that feeling all too well and she knows Solar didn't deserve to feel that kind of pain.

But Solar meant what she said. Wheein has been such an angel and she deserves to be loved back by someone she loves; she wishes it wasn't Moonbyul, but nonetheless, she's happy for Wheein.

And Moonbyul; Solar knows she's in good hands.

"Unnie, you're not mad, are you?" Hyejin asks. She finally feels like she can breath freely.

It was so hard for her to keep the secret from Solar knowing that the girl was depending on her to keep her in the loop with what's happening in Moonbyul's life.

"No, Hyejin-ah. I'm a little disappointed that no one told me earlier but its understandable." Solar says with a smile.

Wheein really feel bad seeing Solar smile as if she wasn't hurting, its her unnie after all, and she's been there; she knows how it can be self destructive.

But she doesn't think she's in any position to comfort Solar right now.

"Unnie, I'm sorry." Wheein didn't know what else to say.

"Wheein, its fine. I'm just shocked but, I'm okay. I'm the one who broke things off between us, remember?" Solar replies, justifying why they really shouldn't be worried about her.

"Are you sure you're okay, unnie?" Seulgi asks with concern apparent on her facial expression.

Yongsun smiles. "It's been months. I'm fine." She managed to say with a stable voice. She wants to say that she has moved on but its too much of a lie to tell.

"That's good because Seulgi and I have an announcement to make next Thursday and Moonbyul already agreed to come." Irene says carefully, indirectly preparing Yongsun for what might happen next week.

Its going to be different. Yongsun will actually see Wheein and Moonbyul together...aware that they're a couple, and the other girls are wary about what might transpire.

"I won't make a scene like Moonbyul did the last time, don't worry." Yongsun jester-ed. Solidifying the point that she's fine.

"Unnie, don't worry, we'll be there if you ever need distractions." Wendy offers; Solar and Wendy grew closer since Eric asked Yongsun to help her with Wendy.

Solar smiled at her. "Thank you." She simply replied.

The girls tried their best to change the direction of their conversation to a lighter topic.

But Hyejin can't shake the thoughts of Solar trying her best not to make Wheein feel bad about it, just like how Wheein kept her feelings inside all this time not to ruin someone else's happiness, and so Hyejin thinks, that maybe the noble thing to do is believe Yongsun when she tells them she's okay.

\-------------

Later that day, Wheein told Moonbyul that Solar already knows about their relationship.

Moonbyul didn't say much about it.

She knows Solar will eventually caught on even if they don't tell her. They're in the same girl group after all, they have been seeing each other a lot. Solar will find out one way or another.

Moonbyul's just glad she wasn't there to see Yongsun's reaction.

Besides, Moonbyul thinks it wouldn't be a big deal to Solar since she moved on first.

"Is it okay for you to come?" Wheein asks Moonbyul, refering to Seulgi and Irene's invitation; she didn't want to put her girlfriend in an uncomfortable situation.

 _Girlfriend._ Its almost a month since they became official but Wheein still can't believe she get to call Byul her girlfriend. The words still feels foreign to her but she has no doubt she'll get used to it.

"Why wouldn't I be? You're going to be there. That's all the reason I need to be okay." Moonbyul says genuinely.

But Wheein can't help but laugh. "I still can't believe how greasy you are."

Moonbyul smiles, her nose scrunching up, "It makes your heart flutter though, right?"

Wheein smiles, nodding enthusiastically and giving Moonbyul a quick kiss on the lips. "It does."

Hyejin groans. "Get a room." She teases.

Earning a laugh from the couple.

They were too caught up in their own little world that they forgot their friend is just right beside them.

"Do you want a kiss from me too, Hyejin-ah?" Moonbyul offers with a smile that's too greasy for Hyejin to handle.

Hyejin rolls her eyes while giggling. "I'm not sure you can handle me, Byul-ssi."

Moonbyul gasps and Wheein laughs, but before the rapper could think of a better comeback Wheein asked her again.

"Are you seriously okay to come though?" Moonbyul can't help but smile at how concerned Wheein is about her feelings.

Moonbyul feels guilty about how oblivious she was about Wheein's feelings before; she takes a mental note to make up for that.

"Wheein, I meant what I said. I'll be okay as long as you're there." Moonbyul replied.

"Wheein, I think you're more worried than Byul-unnie." Hyejin remarks. "Are _you_ going to be okay?"

Wheein took it as an opportunity to tease her best friend instead of answering. "As long as you're there Hyejin."

Hyejin groans. "Byul-ssi's greasiness has really rubbed off on you."

The three of them laughed again. They were having fun, and have been having fun, but something about Thursday makes Wheein feel uneasy.

Its weird because they've been seeing Solar all this time, but it feels like they'll see her for the first time in years.

And Wheein should be happy that this time she's not the one in the sidelines, she's not pining for someone she can't have anymore.

She should feel triumphant, but she can't get herself to be completely at ease.

 


	7. Okay? Okay.

 

* * *

* * *

Solar shouldn't be nervous. It isn't her first time seeing Moonbyul. And she's just going to Seulgi and Irene's Cafe; like she always do. She's not going to a date or something, so she's really frustrated at herself for being too concerned with how she would look like, or what dress she should wear or how early she should get there.

But she knows exactly why, and that makes her even more frustrated.

She ended up wearing the suit she bought for herself which happened to be one of Moonbyul's favorite outfit for her. She said she looked really sophisticated wearing it.

When she arrived at the Cafe, all of them were already there except for Byul.

Considering that Wheein is already there, she assumed that Moonbyul might not be coming after all, and she laughs to _and_ at herself.

She breathes in relief but there was a feeling disappointment that dawned on her.

But before Solar could process her thoughts she heard a voice she can recognize at any given time.

"Did you all miss me?" And there she was the orange haired girl she once loved- she _still_ loves.

Everyone was so excited to see her. Moonbyul has always been so fun to be with, so no wonder the Red Velvet members are gushing about how they missed Mamamoo's main rapper.

Solar can't help but stare at Moonbyul, she didn't even care anymore if she gets caught staring, but then Moonbyul stops in front of her, and its as if Solar's heart stopped as well.

Moonbyul is smiling directly at her, looking as if she's happy to see Solar, and Yongsun can't help but smile back despite her inhibitions.

"Hi." Moonbyul greets.

Solar wanted to slap herself to see if she was dreaming; she didn't know what to say or how to react. She wanted to say that she missed Moonbyul too, but she wasn't sure if its okay to say that, so she settled with a 'hello', but she didn't get a chance to do so because Moonbyul walked past her walking towards Wheein.

She isn't sure if the disappointment that she's feeling is because she didn't even get to respond or the fact that Byul didn't acknowledge her outfit.

Solar watched as Moonbyul kissed Wheein on the cheeks, how Wheein blushed probably because she's still not used to receiving such gestures from Byul.

Solar could swear she heard a cracking sound right where her heart rests.

"Yah, Seulgi, what's this big announcement of yours?" Moonbyul asks her friend, the rest of their conversation was really a blur for Solar, all she could see was the way Moonbyul treated Wheein like a princess; the way Moonbyul used to treat her.

She also noted how Byul didn't stay at Wheein's side all the time, how she lets Wheein have her own conversations with the other girls while she has her own; she lets Wheein be her own person, something that she would have wanted when they were still together.

Solar then hears a clink as Seulgi continuously hit the wine glass with her spoon.

"I don't know how to tell you this, so I guess I'm just going to say it straight." Seulgi started, she was evidently nervous, but Irene holds her hand and squeezes it reassuringly, causing her shoulders to relax.

"This is not really going to be straight though-that's a very misleading statement" Seulgi rambles seriously, making everyone laugh. "Irene and I..."

"We already know you're dating, Seulgi." Moonbyul teases, earning a laugh and causing Seulgi to roll her eyes at her.

"Yeah, everybody here knows that" Seulgi agrees, "But we're actually already engaged." she states as both her and Irene flashes their rings, making everyone else at loss for words.

Seulgi and Irene are engaged.

Solar can't believe it. They've been together for only a year, and now they're engaged, but it made sense knowing that time really shouldn't be a measurement of love. Heck, Moonbyul and her were together for five years and look where they are now.

She almost pities herself for how Seulgi and Irene looked so happy. They acknowledge the reality that their marriage might not be legal, that it can't be acknowledged by the law in their country, but they didn't care.

They were in love and that's all that mattered to them. What matters to them is that they know they love each other and they're going to have a beautiful ceremony of their love.

And maybe its too late to think about how it could be her and Moonbyul; but she still wonders what would've happened if only she stayed longer, if only she was stronger.

The night passed quickly and soon enough they were bidding goodbyes at each other.

Solar hugged each one of her friends saying her farewells, and the next thing she knew she was left with Moonbyul, at the side of the road.

She didn't know how to act, she didn't know if they're already in speaking terms even after chatting with Moonbyul a little bit at the party; after all, Moonbyul might just be trying to act civil with her around their friends to avoid an awkward atmosphere.

So she shyly says, "Bye." she didn't even bother checking if the other girl heard her, she tried to walk away fast.

"See you." she hears Moonbyul say, making her stop in her tracks.

"What?" Solar asked, dumbfounded.

"At the studio." Moonbyul smiles at her as she clarifies.

"Yeah." Solar acknowledges. "I almost forgot." she smiles.

"Will you be okay?" Moonbyul asks.

And Solar smiles. "Of course. Will you?" she asks back.

"Yeah." Moonbyul casually said without missing a beat. "By the way, I can drop you off if you want." Byul offered and Solar almost agreed, of course she wanted to spend more time with Moonbyul but then the other girl continued, "I'm sure Hyejin and Wheein won't mind having a short detour." and then she was reminded of their current situation; she shouldn't take pleasure in being with Byul anymore because its not going to be fair to Wheein.

"No that's fine." Solar declined politely, "I already booked a taxi, its actually already there." she points to her service car.

"Oh. Okay. Bye then." Moonbyul greets her again as she pulls her close for a quick hug.

Solar expected this night to be her wake up call. She expected that seeing Wheein and Moonbyul together would slap her back to reality that there's no going back now. But she came home with more questions and a little more hope in her mind than before.

* * *

"Solar?" Eric says after he was awaken from his sleep from the incessant calls from Yongsun.

"I know its late. Sorry for bothering you." Solar apologizes as a greeting. "But I'm just really confused. And I don't know what to do. I need your expert opinion."

"It's okay. What is it?" Eric asks.

"It's Byul." she answers simply as if it would explain her urgent call.

"Byul?" Eric asks slightly confused, "When did I become a Moonbyul expert?"

"I just said that for effect." Solar reasons nonchalantly, but really she didn't know who else to talk to, its not like she have other friends who aren't Byul's friend. "Anyway, we saw each other earlier and she didn't make a scene."

"Isn't that good?" Eric asks, having no clue with where Solar is going at; he wonders why Solar wouldn't want Byul to not shout at her during dinner.

"And she was so nice and friendly." Solar continues, ignoring Eric's question, "She even hugged me before we left." she narrated. "Why did she do that? What does that mean?" 

"What's wrong with that?" Eric asks again.

"Eric, you were there when she was so angry at me to the poiny of screaming at my face." Solar states. "You saw that." she emphasized, meaning to say that Eric should know why Solar is confused with the way Moonbyul acted.

"Maybe she's okay, now?" Eric tries to find a sensible reason.

"She's okay, as in, she's not mad at me anymore?" Solar reiterates.

"Solar..." he sighs, knowing that his friend might not like what he's going to say next. "...okay, as in, she's accepted that you're not getting back together." Eric clarifies, making Solar frown at the other end of the line. "Maybe she's moved on."

Yongsun knows Eric is right, and maybe that's why she felt her heart sink faster than the titanic, she could feel a lump in her throat as her mind processes what Eric just said.

But she wishes Eric just didn't say it, she wished Eric said something comforting instead, she wished he just lead her on with her wishful thinking, because now she's about to cry and she really didn't want to cry herself to sleep anymore.

She's happy that Moonbyul is okay now. Maybe she really did move on. That's what Yongsun wanted in the first place, but she's questioning herself on why she doesn't feel all that happy.

Instead she feels as if a part of her just died. She figures that maybe its hope; hope that maybe Byul would take her back.

Because even if Byul seemed like she already moved on, Yongsun wasn't ready to move on one bit.

Sure she was the one who broke up with Byul, but it never meant that she didn't love her anymore. It felt like it was the right thing to do. She did it for them. They had to grow separately.

She expected Byul to wait for her, because she really believed that Byul is her person. She really thought no matter what happens they'd end up together.

But right now, knowing that Byul is this happy, knowing that she already have someone like Wheein to take care of her; she thinks she had been naive and stupid after all.

 

 

 


	8. Looking Back

* * *

****

After their group practice they stayed at the RBW music room to discuss the concept and of their song. Their CEO specified that the concept should be a dance song and that it should be cheerful; then they have the freedom to decide the rest of the details.It was already 4 in the morning when Moonbyul and Solar packed up after working on their duet song.

"You'll catch a ride with Byul?" their CEO asked Solar innocently, knowing that Solar didn't have her own car and Byul brought hers.

"Oh-no no no. It's okay." Solar quickly shrugged the idea off. She didn't want to burden Byul, and its not like she was offered a ride home anyways.

"You're not going to take her home?" he asked Byul this time, he knew that the two singers had a falling out but didn't want to pry so he's trying to do the best he can to fix the situation without overstepping his boundaries.

"There's no need. I can-" Solar started to reason but Byul cut her off.

"Come on, Yong." Byul said timidly. She didn't mind driving Solar home, but the fact that they have to sit on her car _alone,_ didn't sit well with her, it made her anxious. But she also won't let Solar go home by herself knowing that she can easily give her a ride.

"Are you sure, that's okay?" Solar asked.

 **Yong.** She realized its her first time hearing Byul say her name again after their breakup. She sighed at how easy it is for Byul to make her heart beam; if that's even possible.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Moonbyul retorted.

* * *

"Good thing we took this route. The traffic in the highway is horrible." Byul started, breaking the silence that floats in their atmosphere.

"Yeah." Yongsun answered simply. She wanted to have a conversation with Moonbyul but she didn't know how. All they have is their past and everything about it makes Yongsun want to cry, and she really didn't want to cry, so she keeps quiet.

And so the silence visited them again.

But then Yongsun sneezes.

"Sorry, are you cold?" Moonbyul asks, but she didn't wait for Solar's answer to increase the temperature of her car's air-condition.

"Your new car is cool." Yongsun took the opportunity to make a pun which earned a laugh from Moonbyul. "You must've saved a lot of money." Solar points out.

"Nah." Moonbyul denies casually. "I just had a lot of leftover savings from-" and she stops abruptly, realizing what she's going to say. She used to save her money so her and Solar can live luxuriously when they get married someday, but obviously there's no use for that now.

Moonbyul really didn't need to finish her sentence for Solar to know what she's about to say.

Their light conversation quickly turned into a combination of tension-and-awkwardness-filled silence.

* * *

Solar's in the middle of her self loathing when a pair of sunglasses fell on her lap.

"Oh, sorry." Moonbyul quickly apologizes, taking the glasses from Solar's hands. "That's Wheein's"

Solar, for the first time, strangely felt grim hearing Wheein's name. She feels guilty for feeling this way but her heart was never cooperative with her.

"Is she okay with us..." Solar asks carefully, hoping that Moonbyul would answer her honestly.

"Yeah. She's actually excited to hear what song we'll make." Moonbyul smiles, and Solar smiles at how Byul's eyes instantly lit up when she started talking about Wheein, but it also makes her want to cry because of the whirlwind that seemed to be happening inside her stomach.

"Wow..."she didn't want to call it jealousy, but its the closest thing to what she's feeling.

"How long have you been together?" Solar asks, this time she was genuinely curious.

"Almost a month." Moonbyul replies, being reminded that she wasn't really sure what day they actually made it official. She takes a mental note to work on that and that she should prepare a gift for Wheein soon.

"And how is she like as...?" Solar asks before she could stop herself.

She was curious what Wheein is like in a relationship since she's never seen her in one before. But she shouldn't have asked. She knows it wouldn't be good for her heart but Moonbyul was already answering her.

"She's still...Wheein." and they both know it was enough compliment. Wheein just being herself is one of the most beautiful things in the world. And that makes Yongsun even more down, in a way. "But she's a lot more expressive about how she feels." Moonbyul states.

"She still likes having her time alone, painting or writing songs." Moonbyul gladly tells Solar.

Solar remembers how she used to be annoyed when Moonbyul bothers her when she wants to be left alone, thinking about it now, sometimes Byul gets into her nerves but most of the time she secretly likes it and just pretends to be annoyed. "You probably push her buttons and disturb her still." Solar jests.

Moonbyul laughs, remembering how she always does that to Solar. Then she thinks about how rarely she does it to Wheein and how the short girl just laughs when she actually does bother her. "I give her her space, actually." she states.

"But you never do that." Solar says mindlessly.

"I just don't want to suffocate her with my greasiness." Moonbyul responds, that answer struck a chord to Solar.

Judging the way Moonbyul said it, she knew the impact it will have on Solar.

Moonbyul didn't intend to hurt Solar in any way, she simply wants Solar to know that she acknowledged her past mistakes; she knows she was over the top clingy and a little bit controlling; she's still not perfect but she's trying to be a better girlfriend and a better person.

"I see." Solar manages to say.

"Besides, you know how she is when she's mad; even though she still looks cute when she's mad, it's still hard to make peace with her so she's basically the boss." Moonbyul narrates.

Solar don't know how Moonbyul can talk about Wheein nonstop. Sure Solar asked first, but she has to know that its a little bit uncomfortable for her to talk about Byul's current girlfriend. That's actually an understatement since she feels Moonbyul's every word as a stab on her chest and Moonbyul's smile as a bullet to her heart.

Surely she must have an idea since Solar is barely holding it together.

And as if on cue Moonbyul notices the smile Solar had on her face that almost resembles a frown.

"Anyway, how about you?" she contemplated if she was ready to hear Solar's answer but she still tries to change the subject, she never liked seeing Solar unhappy; she realized she must've overshared.

Moonbyul hesitates to ask; she's curious but she really didn't want to know since she's still upset at how quickly Solar replaced her.

Just thinking about Eric Nam gets Byul worked up, but she asks just to be fair."How are you and Eric? How long have you been together?"

Solar smiled, she couldn't believe Byul still really thinks that she replaced her with Eric.

"He was never my boyfriend." she answered, her tone was cold and distant, far from the friendly tone she was using earlier, as if to emphasize that Byul would've known that earlier if she listened in the first place, and Moonbyul clearly got the message.

Byul lets out a brief chuckle. She must've looked really silly for being so furious over nothing.

She was saved by the bell when she realized that they were already seconds away from Solar's apartment.

* * *

Moonbyul watched Solar as the girl enters her apartment, she really should be driving away now, but for the first time since their break up, Solar looks back and waves her hand at her with a smile.

She remembers all the times she would desperately look at Yongsun's back just to see her a little longer, praying to God that Solar would look back, and how she never did.

How Wheein has always been there beside her, holding her hand, trying to give her strength.

Wheein. Her current girlfriend.

She suddenly feels guilty for staying a little longer, and for being happy and relieved knowing that Yongsun was never in a relationship with Eric. But most of all she was guilty for feeling regretful, of thinking that maybe if she didn't blindly reacted so roughly, maybe they'd have a better chance of getting back together.

She shakes her head along with the thoughts that she shouldn't be thinking of. She takes one final look at Yongsun's apartment door before she drives off.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9**

* * *

* * *

Wheein just finished preparing their lunch meal when she walked over to Moonbyul who was rested at the sofa; her eyes are directed at the television but her mind seemed to be somewhere else.

"You seem quiet." Wheein points out, noticing how uncharacteristically quiet her girlfriend is, considering that she's supposed to be watching a comedic show. 

"What?" Byul asks as she sat straight, snapping out of her reverie.

Wheein shakes her head as she sits on Moonbyul's lap, and Moonbyul, out of habit, buries her face on the side of Wheein's neck.

"How are the two of you?" Wheein asks softly. She assumes that is what's on Moonbyul's thoughts. But she didn't mind. She's really just curious how the two acted towards each other.

Moonbyul had told her about driving Solar home, something about that information made her a bit bothered but the fact that Byul told her about it, at least reassured her that she has nothing to worry about.

"Huh?" Moonbyul asks almost defensively, wondering what Wheein meant with her question.

"You and Yongsun-unnie." Wheein specified. "Were you able to finish the song?" she asks without a trace of judgement, trying hard not to sound too curious.

"Not yet." Moonbyul answers. "But, the rest of the process will be easy since CEO Kim already gave us a concept and we already have guidelines to follow." Byul elaborated.

"That's good." Wheein smiled.

Of course she's happy with the song. She's sure a lot of people will like it, and for that, she's happy for her girlfriend. But thinking about the time the two will have to spend together to make the song, Wheein would be lying if she says she's not even a bit insecure about it.

When they got together, Moonbyul asked her to be open about how they feel about each other so they can easily identify the problem and work it out.

That's why she didn't have any problem sounding relieved hearing her girlfriend's answer. "That's good. That means you'll finish soon." Wheein says honestly.

Wheein then felt Moonbyul nod against her neck, the older girl knows the concerns that her girlfriend have. Moonbyul then, envelopes her arms around Wheein's waist, as if to reassure her that she has nothing to worry about.

Wheein smiles at the gesture and turns her head to face Moonbyul, she looks at Moonbyul for a while taking in her beauty, "I love you."

It wasn't the first time she said it, but something about it felt like its a pivotal part in their relationship and whatever will be Moonbyul's response is a big deal.

Moonbyul meets her eyes and smiles at her in return and then the older girl proceeded to kissing one side of her shoulder before saying "I love you." back.

On normal days, it would've caused Wheein's heart to melt, but even though Moonbyul did it ever so subtly, she knew Moonbyul kissed her shoulder to intentionally avert her gaze, as if she's guilty about saying it back.

But Wheein shakes the thought off of her mind. Its a special day for them after all, she should only be thinking of happy thoughts. "By the way..." she says as she stands up.

"Wait here." Wheein said before vanishing to their now shared room, returning with a framed painting in hand.

She sits beside Moonbyul and gives the painting to her.

It was a an illustration of a star-filled night sky with the wind breezing...

When Moonbyul took a closer look she realized that there was a poem written in the right side.

"It's a part of the song lyrics that I wrote for you." Wheein said shyly. It was originally just a scribble she wrote on her pad during the times that her feelings were still left hidden.

**_On a tired and sleepy night_ **

**_I want you even in my dreams_ **

**_Even if it's just one second a day_ **

_**Stay by my side** _

**_Stay with me_ **

"Baaaabe." Moonbyul cooed. "It's beautiful." She says in awe, "Can i hear it?" Moonbyul asked, beaming at her girlfriend, excited at the thought that a song was written for her.

"I'm saving the music for our second monthsary." Wheein replied, laughing at herself for assuming that they'd even celebrate a second monthsary.

She suddenly remembered she haven't even greeted her girlfriend, "Happy Monthsary." Wheein says, kissing her girlfriend's cheek.

Moonbyul looked taken aback.

Wheein assumed that Moonbyul forgot. She wanted to believe that Byul just isn't one to celebrate monthsaries; its not really compulsary.  But then she remembers all the times her and Hyejin helps Moonbyul to arrange a surprise for Yongsun on their Monthsaries.

Wheein smiles understandingly as she held Moonbyul's hand. "You forgot, didn't you?"

Her heart sank a little, but she understands that Moonbyul might have a lot on her plate right now. Its just a monthsary. A lot of people don't even celebrate them.

Moonbyul smiled apologetically, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend for a few seconds before pulling away.

"Byul!" Wheein squealed when she saw that her girlfriend was already holding out a box.

Moonbyul beamed at her, proud of herself that she remembered their monthsary. She felt triumphant seeing how happy Wheein is. She opened the box revealing a bracelet with a moon and star pendant.

Wheein placed both her hands on her mouth, trying to contain the excitement and happiness that she's feeling. All her worries were suddenly pushed aside, seeing the gift that Byul prepared for her.

"So that you'd be reminded that I'm always here for you and so that you can keep me close to your heart." Moonbyul stated, explaining the meaning of her gift, which made Wheein tear up. "Happy Monthsary."

Byul reached out for her hand, helping Wheein wear the bracelet she gave to her girlfriend. "Do you like it?" She asks, worried that her gift wasn't special enough, considering that Wheein probably put a lot of effort and time for her gift.

Wheein playfully rolls her eyes. She thinks its silly that Moonbyul have to ask, as if she wouldn't like anything that's from Byul. "I love it. Thank you."

"No." Moonbyul argues. "Thank you." She beamed a smile at Wheein. "For guiding me when I felt so lost."

Wheein's tears finally escaped her eyes, they were flowing freely and continuously. A month ago she was just dreaming of having Moonbyul as her girlfriend, and now she's actually living it.

She reminisces the nights she cried herself to sleep, feeling helpless about her feelings for Byul, and now she got Byul to wipe away her tears.

"Wheein-ah. Don't cry please." Byul requests, seeing Wheein cry so hard makes her want to cry too, and right now she just really want to see Wheein's smile.

"Sorry." Wheein says as she tries to stop, "I'm really just happy to be with you." She states.

She hates how she feels like she owe the world something whenever she's this happy, but at the moment she couldn't care less. She felt as secure as Byul's hold on her.

Its unfair maybe, how obvious it was that Wheein loved Moonbyul more than Moonbyul loved her. But at that moment, seeing Wheein that happy, Moonbyul promised herself that she'll work hard to be worthy of Wheein's love.

"I love you." She says again, hoping that one day, when she says it again, Wheein's answer will be 'I know' and not a grateful smile as if she's doing Wheein a favor by saying it, because really, Moonbyul might not be sure of a lot of things right now but she's damn sure she loves Wheein.

* * *

"Why did you throw this away?" Hyejin asks Solar looking at the piece of paper she recently threw away.

Solar asked her to come to her place to have her inputs on her self written lyrics, which is really convenient for her knowing that Wheein and Moonbyul would love to have the apartment by themselves that day.

"There's something missing." Solar replied while she's busy scribbling down ideas and one line lyrics.

"This one too." Hyejin points out after reading one of the crumpled papers that's scattered on her unnie's table. "This is good."

"It doesn't suit the concept of the song." Solar replied continuing her work.

Hyejin raises her eyebrow as realization hit her.

"Aren't you trying too hard to impress Byul-ssi?" the maknae asks.

Solar finally stopped writing and turned her swiveling chair to face her friend. "Hey... I'm not trying hard to impress her." she denies sternly.

"If you say so." Hyejin shrugs dismissively, not convinced with Solar's statement.

Yongsun sighs, sounding defeated. "Am I that obvious?"

"Uhmmm." Hyejin scrunches her nose, both of them already knowing the answer.

They both laughed at how silly Yongsun is, Hyejin is a little bit relieved knowing that they can still take the situation lightly.

But they both know it meant trouble.

Yongsun admitting that she wants to impress Moonbyul meant that there's still feelings lingering there, and that was really expected. Everybody who's close to them never really expected the two of them to move on so quickly. Even Wheein knew that.

And if it were any other case, where in Moonbyul's new girlfriend is some random girl and not Wheein, Hyejin would've no doubt aggressively helped her Yongsun unnie deal with her problem, but its Wheein.

She's never seen Wheein as happy as when Moonbyul said she loved her back for the first time. She can't possibly take that away from her best friend.

And she definitely can't let anyone take that away from her best friend either; even if its her unnie.

But she's never seen her unnie as miserable as when she found out that Moonbyul unnie is dating their best friend Wheein. And she can't stand seeing her members sad.

Yongsun tried to get back to her writing but she was too distracted by her thoughts. Yongsun groans, slumping at her chair.

"Unnie." Hyejin started.

"What am I supposed to do?" She asks, but she wasn't really expecting an answer from Hyejin. How she wish things would've been different. 

"I still love her." She confessed with resignation. "I never stopped and I feel selfish for still feeling this way." Yongsun declares, trying her best to hold her tears.

Wheein supported their relationship all this time, so why can't Solar do the same now? She really wants to, and she really wished she could.

But whenever she tries she feel like she's pointing a gun at her own heart. She feels like she's hostaging her feelings.

Hyejin nodded, understanding why their leader made the decisions she did. She pities her for having to do such things.

Korea isn't really an open minded country.

Yongsun just did what she thinks was best for all of them. It must've been hard for her especially since her own family didn't approve of her and Byul's relationship.

And Hyejin would be lying if she says that she doesn't worry about Wheein and Byul's relationship. Sure, right now they're fine being in their own little world, but when the time comes, when their relationship reaches the point where Solar and Moonbyul's relationship reached; its either they break up or Mamamoo will have to take their final bow.

That's how it will most likely end for them, considering how the general public in Korea is.

But still...Yongsun made a decision.

And as much as Hyejin wants to help her, she herself didn't know how.

"Unnie. I wish I know what to say." Hyejin sighs.

"Can you just give me a hug?" Yongsun asks so softly yet so desperately.

Hyejin stands up to give their leader a hug, her heart ached when she felt her shirt  become wet by Yongsun's tears.

It finally sunk in to Hyejin just how messy the predicament she's in is. She concludes that in situation like this, all she can really do is let them fix their own problems and just be there for her friends whatever happens.

\-----------------------------


	10. Solar's Luck

 

* * *

* * *

After dropping Wheein off at their company building, Moonbyul and Hyejin went straight to Seulgi's apartment. Apparently, Seulgi invited Moonbyul, Hyejin and Minhyuk to hang out on Seulgi's apartment to drink since they all have free time on that day. Unfortunately Wheein and Irene both have a schedule for recording they weren't able to come.

Hyejin was riding shotgun on Moonbyul's car, noticing that her friend was in deep thought.

"Hyejin-ah." Moonbyul starts, her voice was just above a whisper, seemingly embarrassed.

"Hmmm?" Hyejin hums as she looks at her unnie's direction.

Moonbyul then shakes her head, deciding not to continue whatever she's about to say.

"Byul-ssi, just spit it out." Hyejin encourages her, she's too curious to let whatever it is to slip away from their conversation, or lack thereof.

"Eric and Yong never got together?" Moonbyul finally asks, she believe what Yongsun said but she felt like asking Hyejin to somehow make it feel realer.

"Yes." Hyejin confirms. "Never." she said, looking at Moonbyul for any sign of regret, and she found it through Byul's eyes. "That's what happens when you don't ask."

The night when Moonbyul made a scene was never brought up again up until now. They knew better not to bring up anything Yongsun related to Byul, so they never got the chance to talk about it.

Moonbyul just smiled, nodding and admitting her fault. There was radio silence for a minute, as if Moonbyul was having an internal conversation with herself before she speaks again, "But it did lead me to Wheein, didn't it?"

"It did." Hyejin smiles genuinely. She's happy how that worked out for them in the end...but she's also worried, because Byul was lost in her own thoughts earlier and apparently its about Yongsun.

The worry on Hyejin's eyes didn't go unnoticed by Byul. "You don't look too comforted by that." Byul chuckles nervously, she wants- no- needs Hyejin's validation that she deserves Wheein and judging by Hyejin's smile she didn't seem too satisfied.

"No!" Hyejin chuckles, as she flails both her hands. "It's not like that, unnie." she tries to reassure Byul. "I know you love Wheein. I just..." she hesitates, but she figured she might as well just say it. "I just hope you're sure you've moved on from Yong-unnie, because if not, then all of you will end up getting hurt and that's just- I don't want to see that happen."

She needed to know if Byul is only seeking refuge from Wheein, she needed to know if she sees Wheein as some kind of cure for her pain because that's not how it should be; people are not medicines.

Moonbyul steps on the break when they reached Seulgi's apartment.

She didn't know what to reply. She appreciates Hyejin's concern, and rightfully so. She thinks about how tough it must be to be in Hyejin's position. "I'm sorry." its what came out from her mouth first.

Hyejin smiles at her reassuringly, as if to say that it might be hard but she's fine. "I just need to know that you're not using her as a rebound, Byul-ssi. You know that I love you, right? But Wheein is my best friend, and my first priority is to protect her...even if its against you and Yongsun-ssi"

Hyejin's tone wasn't accusatory, it was actually vulnerable yet firm; Moonbyul knows she meant every word and it probably wasn't the first time these thoughts entered her mind. Moonbyul couldn't help but smile and be comforted by the fact that Wheein has someone like Hyejin in her life.

"To be honest, I can't say I've completely moved on from Yong, Hyejin-ah." Byul confesses,  'completely' being the keyword. "But I do love Wheein, and I appreciate and respect her so much that I wouldn't have pursued a relationship with her if I didn't see a future with her."

Hyejin didn't realize she was holding her breath until a relieved sigh escaped her mouth. She found the sincerity in Byul's words that she hoped for; smiling at the fact that they have finally addressed her worry, and she already got some sort of assurance from Moonbyul.

"I'm happy to hear that, unnie." Hyejin declares, holding Byul's hand and squeezing it tight.

Moonbyul smiled back, being reassured that Hyejin's only looking out for all of them. She chuckles realizing that Hyejin's acting like the mom friend when she's the maknae of their group.

"We better go inside. Seulgi-unnie said Minhyuk-ssi is already there." Hyejin states before the two of them gets out of their car and proceed to Seulgi's apartment.

The four of them spent the rest of the day drinking and singing their hearts out.

* * *

Moonbyul didn't know why it affected her so much knowing that Yongsun and Eric never dated; maybe it was guilt, maybe it was regret, she really didn't know. What she does know is that ever since she knew that information, she couldn't help but steal a glance at Solar every chance she gets while they work on their duet.

"Do you think these lyrics are okay?" Yongsun asks her without turning her eyes away from her paper. She's too absorbed with what she's doing, while Moonbyul is too absorbed with her passion for what she's doing.

"They're fine." Moonbyul assures her, not really looking at the paper but knowing well enough that whatever Yongsun wrote on it is good enough.

"Are you sure, because I feel like its lacking something-" Yongsun asks but stops abruptly when she turns her head to look at Byul, meeting the woman's stare as if it can pierce through her.

But Byul quickly averted her gaze from Yongsun to her paper, pretending as if she wasn't looking steadily at their leader, then proceeded at making comments about Yong's lyrics.

The night quickly passed by as Solar and Moonbyul, along with some RBW staff worked on the 'moonsun' duet. Making their song progressed smoothly, and Yongsun's surprised how well her and Byul are working together despite their past. So far it hasn't been a hindrance for them to act professionally.

Next thing Byul knows is that its time for them to go home for the day.

"Are you sure you don't want me to give you a ride home?" Moonbyul asks Solar, the rain outside is heavy and it would give her comfort knowing that their leader gets home safely.

"I booked a taxi earlier, so its fine." Solar politely refused Byul's offer, even though she's really tempted to accept it.

"Well...next time, when you know that we have a schedule to work on our song, you don't need to book one. Its totally fine for me to drive you home. Your apartment is really not that far from ours." Moonbyul states casually. She didn't feel guilty, she tells herself that she's just being a good friend. That's what they are now, right? They're bandmates and they're friends before they became anything else, anyway.

Solar smiles, while she's happy that her and Moonbyul are really on good terms now, she can't help but be reminded that its only because Byul has already moved on from her; that thought really makes Yongsun feel like there's a void in her chest. "Until next time then." she replies, because who is she to decline spending time with Moonbyul?

* * *

The rain poured down continuously, and much to Solar's luck, the taxi she booked broke down in the middle of the road. The towing service would come for about 50 minutes due to the heavy rain. It would've been nice if Yongsun brought an umbrella with her but she forgot to bring even that.

Her only option is to wait until the towing service comes or prepare herself to get wet since she tried to book another taxi, but was proved hard due to the heavy rain.

Her luck didn't seem to be in vain though, hearing her phone ring to see that Byul is calling her.

 _"Did you get home safely?" Byul asked, hearing the news that there was actually a storm._

Yongsun sighs. "I'll be home for about 45 - 40 minutes."

 _"45 minutes? So you went somewhere else?" Byul asks before she could stop herself from prying. Yongsun's apartment isn't exactly that far, it shouldn't take that long considering that they went home 30 minutes prior._

"Well, our car broke down so..." Solar trails.

 _"Where are you?" Moonbyul asks._

"Near Hwangso...I think." she answers, having a hard time locating exactly where they are because of the heavy rain, but fortunately seeing the signage of the restaurant.

 _"Okay. Wait for me." Moonbyul said, immediately cutting of the line, not giving Yongsun a chance to argue with her._

* * *

Yongsun beamed a smile when she saw Moonbyul's car pull up in front of her taxi. Excitement got the best of her; she got off the taxi immediately without an umbrella after giving the driver her payment and thanking him. She was just glad she could finally go home, and didn't have to wait for almost an hour.

So there she was, standing in the rain, watching Moonbyul as she opens her umbrella in hand and gets off of her car, walking towards her.

"Why did you get out?" Moonbyul asks, putting the umbrella on top of Yongsun to shield her from getting soaked from the rain even further.

Yongsun didn't know why she lost her ability to say a single word. She was just grateful that Byul came to her rescue, maybe. Yongsun was reminded of all the times Byul had done this before, because apparently Yongsun has a bad habit of forgetting her umbrella when she knows its a rainy season.

"Where's your bag?" Moonbyul asks, but didn't wait for Solar to answer, as she leans inside the car to get Yongsun's bag. "Come on." Moonbyul said as she guides Solar to her car.

Byul opened the car door for Yongsun on the backseat.

The smile on Yongsun's face faltered when she saw Wheein on the passenger's seat beside Byul.

"Unnie." Hyejin greets their leader beside her, making her presence known.

"Hyejin-ah. Wheein." Solar manages to say, looking at them respectively.

Wheein smiles at her, "Here's some tissue, unnie." she hands Solar a generous amount of tissue before she turns her attention to Byul, wiping the rapper's face with the tissue in her hand.

Hyejin noticed the pained look on their leader's face, she knows the older girl was trying hard not to let her emotions show but Hyejin is already familiar with Solar's actions by now. She didn't know why her unnie is being a masochist; watching Wheein wipe the raindrops from Byul's face and the back of her neck, knowing full well that its only hurting her.

"Unnie, it's a good thing that you were along the way where we decided to eat. Otherwise you'd be stuck there longer." Hyejin states just to break Solar's gaze from the two people at the front seat.

"Yeah." Yongsun croaks out as she finally turns her head away from the two to face Hyejin.

Moonbyul couldn't help but look at her rear view mirror when she heard Yongsun's voice crack.

Wheein stops when she sees Byul looking at Yongsun through the rear view mirror with concern filling her eyes.

It was like a domino effect...

Hyejin couldn't stand the radio silence so she clears her throat.

Byul then sits straight up tearing her gaze away from the mirror and then starting the car's engine.

Wheein turns her body away from Byul's direction and sits properly on her seat, looking at the rain as it drops on the car window.

Yongsun does the same, she looks away, looking afar, as she fights back the tears that's threatening to fall. She's thankful she's somehow wet, that when a tear rolled down her cheek it was barely noticeable.

Well. Barely being the keyword since Hyejin noticed it. She placed her hand on top of Yongsun's hand and squeezed it tightly. Yongsun squeezes her hand back without looking at her.

Yongsun thinks her luck really was in vain after all. How she wished she just waited for 45 minutes stuck in the traffic; maybe her heart wouldn't feel so broken then.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 **A/N:**

 _ **How are you liking the story so far?**_

 _ **Are you a moonsun or a wheebyul shipper?**_

 _ **Let me know your thoughts and comment below!**_

 _ **I'm actually excited for the next chapter idk. It's gonna be angsty as usual. Haha**_

 ** _Thank you for reading guys! 'til the next update._**

 

 

 


	11. After The Storm

When the members of Mamamoo arrived at Yongsun's apartment, the rain still hasn't stopped but it was more bearable.

Hyejin decided to stay at Yongsun's apartment. She can't possibly leave her unnie in the state that she's in. She knows Yongsun would need some company right now, and she's hoping she could help her feel better.

"Unnie, I can stay at your apartment tonight, right?" Hyejin asks, but her tone was more like Yongsun didn't have any choice.

"Of course, Hyejin-ah." Yongsun said softly, her voice was still a little hoarse.

"Great." clapping her hands lightly together. "Byul-ssi, Wheein-ah, you won't miss me too much, right?" she asks her other friends.

Moonbyul shrugs dismissively. "You're probably the one who'll miss me." Byul says greasily, causing Hyejin to roll her eyes.

"Take care then." Wheein said smiling at both Hyejin and Yongsun, she was obviously not in a cheerful mood, Hyejin wishes its because she's sleepy but she knows it probably has something to do with the way Byul looked at Yongsun.

"Take care too." Yongsun replied, flashing the best smile she could, "Thank you for picking me up." she said at both Wheein and Byul, but her gaze was directed only at Wheein. On her peripheral view she can see Byul smiling at her but she didn't dare look at her.

"It was nothing, unnie." Wheein smiled.

After bidding their final goodbyes for the night, Hyejin then opened the car door and opened her large umbrella, respectively, to shield her and Yongsun from the rain.

* * *

They were already in their pajamas, Yongsun and Hyejin are settled in Yongsun's bed.

The blonde girl was still quiet, and she was still trying to hold back her tears.

"Unnie, you're allowed to cry. It's okay." Hyejin reminds her. As soon as she said it, Yongsun leaned in to hug her, as if she was Yong's mother, cradling her child. She caresses Yongsun's hair as the girl cries continuously.

"I know that she really found someone new." Yongsun states in between sobs, thoughts of Wheein and Moonbyul floods her mind, including the way Byul leaned in to Wheein's touch when the younger girl was wiping her dry. "But it only felt real for me tonight."

Yongsun was crying so hard but there no sounds, "And it hurts so much." Yongsun added, as if Hyejin couldn't see how Yongsun was having a hard time breathing because of the pain.

Their leader look so miserable that Hyejin felt a tear fall from her own eye. "Unnie." She was at a loss of words, what could she possibly say to make her friend feel better?

* * *

"Did I do something wrong?" Moonbyul asks Wheein when they were seated in their shared bed. The younger girl hasn't said more than one word to her. She wonders if its about picking up Yongsun, but that couldn't possibly be it. Wheein's mature enough to make that a big deal.

"I don't know, did you?" Wheein retorts, pushing her hair back with her hand.

"Is it about Yong?" Moonbyul asks carefully, she really didn't want to bring her up, but if Wheein has a problem about her then she has to know.

Wheein visibly inhaled as if she was about to say something, but the she sighs in resignation. "No."

"Then why are you acting so cold?" Moonbyul asks softly, she can sense that Wheein is holding back. And she's not willing to lose another relationship just because of miscommunication. She never wants to be kept in the dark when there's a problem they should address.

Byul scoots closer to her girlfriend, wrapping her right arm along Wheein's back with her hand on Wheein's hips. The younger girl's features softens with the contact.

"It's not you." Wheein states. "It's me. I'm the problem, because whenever we're in the same room with Yongsun-ssi, I feel like an outsider, I feel like I'm invading something, and I hate that I know I can't compete with her." she replies, looking down in embarrassment. It sounds so valid when it running around her mind but it feels silly when she says it out loud.

"Look at me." Moonbyul sighs, touching her chin guiding her head to face her so their eyes could meet. She was looking at Wheein intently, as if she was memorizing her face for future reference. "I get it, we all have our insecurities, and sometimes it gets the best of us." Moonbyul states understandingly. "I can't promise to take them away completely."

"But I'm here." Byul declares, her stare was so soft that Wheein felt like her heart could melt at any second. "I'm here to shield you from your insecurities. I'm here to reassure you every single time you need it. And you don't have to compete," Byul smiles and shakes her head. "...because there's no competition; you're my girlfriend and I love you." she continues, before leaning in.

Her lips met Wheein's soft ones, and Wheein couldn't explain why it actually seem like its working. Their kiss was sweet despite the salty tears falling from Wheein's eyes, and as their kiss deepens, Wheein's insecurities feel more and more like a thing from the past.

* * *

* * *

A few days after, the storm has finally left, and the sky is finally clear again.

But it doesn't seem to be the case at RBW's practice room. If anything, the big storm is just on its way.

"All I'm saying is that I think its a little out of place in the song." Moonbyul states calmly but with a sharp tone.

"Well clearly, I'm not doing anything right in this choreography, so why don't you just do it all by yourself and teach me after?" Yongsun replied, she's been trying to control her anger, but Moonbyul has been contradicting her every suggestion from the start of their practice.

Yongsun actually feels like Moonbyul is out to get her.

"What, you can't take constructive criticisms now?" Moonbyuls asks, "You clearly had a lot to say on our live performance earlier, but you didn't see me complain." Moonbyul remarks.

They had to perform for a school festival earlier and Yongsun has been on edge that she actually the littlest things ticked her off, maybe it had something to do with how extra clingy Moonbyul and Wheein was on stage, but she's not going to admit that out loud.

In Yongsun's defense though, she actually only said something when Moonbyul forgot some of her lines when they were singing on of their songs. "I just told you to focus, was I wrong to say that?"

"And I'm just saying that what you're suggesting doesn't fit our choreography." Moonbyul retorts.

"Girls, maybe you're just too pressured with the timetable? I can see that you're both rushing things. Maybe that's the reason both of you are arguing now." their manager points out.

Both of them were on edge that they almost forgot that their manager was still in the room.

Their manager might be right. Solar did want to finish the entirety of the song soon, she can't handle seeing Moonbyul anymore without feeling a pang of pain in her chest. It became too much for her to have Byul near her for longer hours, only to be reminded by herself that Moonbyul is not hers to love anymore.

But Byul...Byul wasn't sure if she really did want to end it as fast. Sure she would love to finish the song soon so she could have longer hours to spend with her girlfriend, but at the same time she has been accustomed to being with Solar for a while longer; its their only chance to have casual conversations like normal friends do.

She didn't understand it herself, or maybe she just didn't want to. Part of her wants the song to be perfect, including the dance, that's why she's been a little more picky about Solar's suggestions, but if she's being honest it also probably have something to do with prolonging the process.

"Just relax, take it easy, okay?" Their manager advised them.

Both of them nodding but no one really looked like they agree.

Moonbyul was about to say something when her phone rang.

The rapper immediately took out her phone from her bag.

"Wheepup, hi." she greeted, some of the tension in her body evaporates. "Yeah we're still practicing, manager-unnie is with us." she states.

Solar knew exactly why she felt like she had just been stabbed when she saw Moonbyul's face light up almost instantly when 'wheepup' called. And she also knew exactly what she has to do, so she grabs her bag  and bids their manager a goodbye while Moonbyul continues to chat with Wheein. Solar told their manager that she's tired and promised that they'll just continue tomorrow with a better attitude before heading towards the door.

When Moonbyul noticed that Solar left, she excused herself and promised Wheein that she'll call her later. She grabbed her bag and followed Yongsun.

"Yongsun, wait." she calls out, but the other girl continued walking, pretending not to hear anything.

Moonbyul jogged just to catch up at Yongsun, "Yong, can we at least be professional about this?" she asks, holding the older girl on her arm to stop her from walking. They reached the parking lot when Byul was able to catch up to her.

Somehow, being at a parking lot brought a lot of memories back.

"I am being professional about this."Yongsun replies. She wanted to calm herself down; she didn't want to get her emotions get the best of her and that's what will exactly happen if she stayed.

"Yes, I can see that." Moonbyul remarks with a lace of sarcasm.

But Solar didn't respond and continued to walk instead.

But Moonbyul will not let her walk away from her with a misunderstanding so she keeps up with Yongsun's pace. "Why are you being like this? Look, I'm sorry for my comments on your suggestions, I guess I was being too perfectionist."

"It's fine. I'm probably just tired too." Yongsun dismissed, but Moonbyul obviously didn't buy her excuse.

"There you go again." Moonbyul throws both her hands in the air.

"There I go what again?" Yongsun finally stops in her tracks, crossing her arms along her chest defensively.

"There! Being like that." Moonbyul points out, slightly losing her temper. "Saying that there's no problem when there is!" she states, not bothering to hide the bitterness underlying her tone. She didn't know she could still be so affected knowing that Yongsun didn't even gave her the chance to fix their problem, and kept it all to herself instead.

"Because there isn't any." Yongsun said, barely holding it in. She knows she's lying, and she knows that Moonbyul is right but admitting that would lead to more problems and she didn't want to burden Byul with what she's feeling.

Moonbyul sighs in disappointment. "How am I supposed to fix the problem if you won't tell me what it is? If I don't know what it is?"

It seemed to Yongsun like they weren't talking about their choreography anymore, and rightfully so, because Moonbyul's mind is filled with the reminders of why they broke up. Moonbyul feels like they're arguing about something that happened long ago.

For the first time, Yongsun meets Moonbyul's gaze. "Byul, you can't solve every problem." she replies with conviction. "And believe me you don't want to know what my problem is." she says before walking away from Byul again.

"Just tell me what's the problem." Moonbyul follows her again.

"You really want to know what my problem is?" Yongsun asks with a raised voice, she couldn't control herself emotions any longer. "You really want to know?"

And Moonbyul looks at her expectantly, with the same energy that Yongsun has. They were both agitated.

"Me!" she exclaims, Yongsun couldn't hide her anger, but it didn't seem like it was directed to Byul anymore, it seemed like it was rather directed at herself. "I'm the problem!"she states, her voice was already shaking because of emotions overwhelming her.

"Because I'm hurting even though I know I have no right to feel that way." she reasons. "I wish I could stand the pain that I'm feeling and just be able to pretend that I'm okay..." a sob escapes her mouth but there were no tears. "...because I'm the one who asked for this, right?" She was doing her very best not to cry, she wanted to at least look strong in front Moonbyul even though her words were saying the exact opposite.

"How I wish I can tell you that I'm happy for you." Solar continues, looking straight at Moonbyul but the other girl has her head down.

Moonbyul couldn't look at Yongsun, she couldn't stand seeing her in pain and not do anything about it so she keeps her eyes fixated on the ground.

" How I wish I can tell you that I'm happy for the both of you." Moonbyul looked up to meet her ex-girlfriend's gaze and she saw Yongsun with a defeated smile. " How I wish I could... " Yongsun repeated.

It was Yongsun's turn to look away, letting out a sigh and her shoulders fall before looking down. "But I can't..." Yongsun admits, looking up, her eyes has already had tears falling from them when they met Byul's. "And I feel so horrible. I feel like I'm such a bad person."

Yongsun's eyes didn't leave Byul's, "Because the truth is until now I'm still hoping-" she pauses trying to hold back her tears again, "I'm still hoping that you'll tell me that it's still me..." she confesses, "...that it's always been me..." she lets out a sob again, "...that it's me that you still love."

Moonbyul only realized that she was crying too when she was able to taste her own tears. She didn't know what she expected. She didn't know what she hoped to happen when she insisted to have this conversation or argument or whatever this is.

What was she supposed to say? Yongsun is crying in front of her, telling her all the things that she would have wanted to hear. Letting all her guards down and pouring her heart out.

All Moonbyul wanted to do at the time was to wipe away Yongsun's tears. She wanted to say all the right things to stop Yong from crying. She wanted to say whatever it is that Yongsun wanted to hear if it meant that she can take away her pain but she can't.

"I love Wheein." Moonbyul declares, no matter how much she didn't want to say it at that moment it was the truth. Moonbyul loves Wheein, and they can't pretend like Moonbyul's girlfriend is non existent and that her and Solar can just go back to how they used to be.

"I know." Yongsun simply says as she held Moonbyul's gaze. "I know." Yongsun repeats as a sign of both acknowledgement and reminder. She's not blind to not see that Byul really loves Wheein; nor is she numb to not feel that Wheein genuinely makes Moonbyul happy.

" **She loved me at my worst.** " Moonbyul states, acknowledging all the times she pushed Wheein away; how many times she ignored Wheein's efforts to make her feel better after Yongsun broke her heart. Its stuck in her mind how Wheein stayed beside her, and how Yongsun left her.

" **You had me at my best.** " How Moonbyul wished Yongsun just talked to her. How she wished Yongsun would've just told her about her worries. How she wished she just held on a little longer.

Back then, Moonbyul was willing to to do all the hard work if it meant having Yongsun by her side. She tried her best to be worthy of Yongsun's affection. And she was glad that Yongsun loved her enough to be with her. Maybe enough was even an understatement, because they were so happy to the point where all of their problems felt so small.

But it didn't matter.

It doesn't matter now because no matter how much Yongsun loved her, she didn't love her enough to fight for her.

" **But you threw it all away as if it didn't mean anything.** " Moonbyul's lips were trembling, from pain, from anger, from disappointment, she really did't have it in her to even process what she's feeling in that moment.

Yongsun flinched at Moonbyul's words. "Byul...is that really what you think?" she asks, understanding that she hurt Moonbyul badly, but she hoped Moonbyul would at least understand why she did it. " **I just made a choice.** "

It was for them. Yongsun made the decision that Moonbyul couldn't make, but it was for them.

Moonbyul nodded in agreement, she had a sad expression on her face as if she also feels sorry about Yongsun's choice.  " **And you chose to break my heart.** " Moonbyul affirms, with tears still flowing from her eyes.

This time Moonbyul's the one who takes the first step; walking away from Yongsun.

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

**A/N:**

**So...uhm...yeah.**

**I hope you like this chapter as much as I did. (Yes, i love hurting myself)**

**Moonsun is my superior ship but Wheebyul has a special place in my heart.**

**and Wheein is my bias...so you see the dilemma.**

**Either way, which ever ship prevails ~~( _if_ a ship will prevail you never know ^-^)~~ I think my heart's gonna break still.**

**I've read every single comment and I appreciate you for taking the time to give me your feedback. Please, do continue to comment about your thoughts about this chapter and the next one.**

**More angst to come in the next chapters I guess.**


	12. The Reason

 

* * *

* * *

A week passed since Yongsun and Moonbyul last talked. They weren't exactly mad at each other. It was just plain...awkward; like they still have a lot to say after all that's been said, but both of them think its best to leave it be.

Was it their closure? Yongsun didn't know, to her, it didn't feel like it was; because aren't closures supposed to make you feel light? Aren't they supposed to set you free from the burden of the past so you'll be able to move forward?

But right now Yongsun felt more stuck more than ever.

In her mind, it was like an endless marathon of the memories that Moonbyul and her once shared.

She remembers all their dates, their arguments, their anniversaries. The grand surprises and even the little things, especially the little things.

She remembers how Byul scrunches her nose when Yongsun did something to make her smile, how Byul would throw her head back when Yong said something to make her laugh, how Byul always reaches for her hand whenever its possible, how Byul buries her head onto Yongsun's neck while she wraps her arms around her when she's embarrassed.

She remembers and boy did she miss it.

She misses how Byul would bring an extra umbrella during rainy season for Yongsun, and how sometimes Byul purposefully 'forgets' to bring an extra so they could share an umbrella, saying that its more romantic that way.

And sometimes the little things she remembers leads to the memories that she treasures dearly, memories she holds on to, like their third anniversary.

_They went to Hong Kong Disneyland to celebrate their third 'official' anniversary. It was indeed the happiest place on earth. They spent all day going to the attractions that they wanted to go to, but weren't able to go to when they went the first time for a show. When the night came they watched the infamous parade, and of course, the show-stopping fireworks that lit up the night sky._

_After a fun and tiring day they went to the hotel they booked, the two of them lied on their bed, arms wrapped around each other._

_"Happy anniversary, Yong." Moonbyul whispers in her ears, placing a kiss on her head._

_"Happy anniversary, Byul." Yongsun replies. "Thank you for bringing us back here." she says gratefully. She planned on spending their anniversary with a simple romantic dinner but Byul surprised her with the ticket trip to Hong Kong._

_"Well, I'm glad you enjoyed." Byul said while grinning, proud at herself for picking the right venue to celebrate their special day._

_"Enjoyed is an understatement." Yongsun remarks, pulling Byul as close as physically possible as she could, resting her head on Byul's shoulder. "My heart is full of happiness right now."_

_"Me too." Byul smiles, continuously caressing Yongsun's hair._

_"Ten years from now, do you think we'll still be like this?" Yongsun asks, in a whim. "This happy? Together?"_

_Byul smiles again, thinking that Yong shouldn't have asked because the answer should be clear, but then again, she's glad she has the opportunity to remind Yong how committed she is in their relationship._

_She pulls away from Yong's embrace, shifting on their bed so she can face her girlfriend, they have the same position, their heads rested on their arms, mirroring each other. "Ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, it doesn't matter. I'll always be happy with you, and I'd always stay with you...forever and ever." Byul affirms._

_" **Promise?** "_

_" **Promise.** "_

_It was then that Yongsun concluded that any place, as long as Byul is with her, is the happiest place on Earth._

Yongsun was snapped out of her reverie when she heard her phone rang. It was Hyejin at the other line, telling her that Seulgi was in the hospital. "What? Why? What happened?"

Hyejin told her that she'll tell her the details when she gets to the hospital, and so she immediately grabbed her phone to book a taxi.

* * *

* * *

When Yongsun arrived, Seulgi was pinned down on her hospital bed by two paramedics along with Minhyuk, Joy and Wendy, begging her to calm down.

"I give up!" Seulgi shouts, as she struggles to break free from the people holding her. "Let go of me!"

"Seulgi, that's enough." Wendy states, her voice was full of understanding, but can't stand it anymore seeing her friend like this.

"Don't ruin your life because of her." Minhyuk adds.

She walks over to Hyejin and Loco who were at the couch beside the bed. "What happened?"

"Irene broke up with her." Hyejin whispers to their leader.

"She tried to end her pain by drinking shampoo." Loco shakes his head, showing his disapproval with what Seulgi did, but his eyes were soft as he looked at Seulgi with sympathy.

"Damn that shampoo! I should be dead by now!" Seulgi shouts, making everyone flinch a little.

"It's not the end of the world!" Wendy exclaims back at her, she sympathizes her friend but seeing her and hearing her give up on life makes Wendy's nerves on edge. Sure, Irene left her, but it didn't mean that she's not loved anymore, a lot of people still love her, she loves her, the rest of the red velvet members love her, her friends, her family. They all love her. Its just a pity how its so easy for her to give up her life.

"You're just saying that because you're not in my position." Seulgi retorts.

"Seulgi-ssi, we're here. We understand you." Solar tries to help her calm down.

"No!" Seulgi disagreed violently.

The commotion died down when the medic was finally able to inject the sedative on their friend, seeing that its gradually taking effect, the two paramedics head to the door.

"No you don't." How could Yongsun possibly understand her? Irene and Solar...they're the same. When things get rough they walk away. She snickers. Leaders who would enter a relationship with one of their members, and breaking up with them, telling them that its for the group's best interest. _To hell with that_ , Seulgi thinks.

"Only Moonbyul will understand." Seulgi states calmer, the sedative taking its effect. "Where is she?" she asks, turning her head sideways looking for her friend's face.

And as if on cue, the door opens to reveal Moonbyul with Wheein.

Yongsun's eyes darts on Byul and Wheein's intertwined hands.

"Byul." as soon as Seulgi sees her friend, she breaks down, tears start to fall from her eyes.

"Seulgi." Moonbyul calls out, as she walks over to her crying friend, with Wheein beside her.

"I don't know..." Seulgi sobs. "I don't know what to do anymore." she looks up at Moonbyul, "I give up." she tries to fight back her sobs. "I didn't know it could hurt this much." She remembers cheering Moonbyul up, she remembers telling her that its going to be okay, reassuring her that she'll get through it. But Seulgi laughs bitterly at how naive she was, how her words doesn't mean a thing now, now that she's in Byul's past position. "I don't want to live anymo-"

Moonbyul shushes her. "Hey." Byul's tone was stern but there was a certain softness in the way she said it. "If I got through it, then you can too." Byul tells her. Byul's words were different from hers, Seulgi thinks, because Moonbyul is comforting her with things that already happened, things that she's been through, not just some wishful thinking that everything gets better in the end.

"Remember when it was me in that hellhole?" Moonbyul smiles softly, seeing how Seulgi is willing to listen at her. Moonbyul lets go of Wheein's hand and lowers her body to level on Seulgi's; making them face to face.

"Weren't you the one who told me that maybe the reason why people we love leaves us..." Moonbyul's own eyes tear up, making Yong look at Moonbyul while Wheein gazes at Yongsun. "...is because..." Byul smiles despite her tears, "...maybe someone better will come along."

Moonbyul hides her face with her hand, wiping her own tears.

Seeing Seulgi in this state forced her to think about the times that she felt so broken. She remembers the pain, the hopelessness, the loneliness. The feeling of being abandoned, the feeling of knowing that no one could possibly understand the pain of loving someone too much only to be left in the end, without so much of a fight.

"Someone who will love us better." Moonbyul continues. "Someone who won't hurt or leave us." She smiles as Seulgi looks at Wheein. "That one person who will make, everything wrong in our lives, right..." She reaches for Seulgi's hands as she emphasizes her words. "everything that's wrong in _your_ life."

* * *

Wheein should be happy; her girlfriend is beside her, talking indirectly about how she's...better. In Moonbyul's words, she suggested that maybe the reason why Yongsun left her is so she could _see_ Wheein, so they could have the chance of their own.

But Wheein didn't really feel as happy as she should be. Maybe its because of how Moonbyul cried while saying it. She couldn't really be happy for something that pained Moonbyul so much.

Or maybe that's just it. Moonbyul is still crying as if it happened yesterday, meaning to say that Wheein wasn't really able to take away her pain; she was just able to distract Byul from it.

It shouldn't matter. What should matter right now is that Moonbyul is happy with her...except...it did matter to Wheein: greatly. When she stuck by Byul's side, all she wanted was to save her from the pain. And when Byul said that she loved her; Wheein assumed she succeeded, so she was really happy.

Looking at Byul now, hearing her say those words with a smile on her face while Wheein could still see a trace of pain, Wheein is back to the conclusion that its Yongsun; its only her Yongsun-unnie who could take that pain away. Whether its closure or another chance at love, Wheein didn't know; but she's willing to help Byul have it either way just so she could free her from the pain...and that's what scared the hell out of her.

* * *

It's the first time Yongsun hears Byul's side of the story. It's the first time Yongsun sees Byul this vulnerable after the break up, because ever since they part ways, Byul has always been so guarded towards her.

Of course, she's aware that she had hurt Byul, but hearing it first hand, seeing how much Byul relates to Seulgi right now, she realizes just how bad of a damage she inflicted on Byul.

Yongsun finds herself crying; even though she really shouldn't be crying right now. **This isn't really about her... _except it is._**

She's the one who caused Moonbyul unbearable pain. She's the one who caused Byul to know so much about such kind of pain. And Yongsun can bet that she's the one making Byul cry right now too. Yongsun bets Moonbyul is having flashbacks in her mind of how much she had hurt her.

It's either that, or she's reminded of how lucky she is to have found Wheein in her life.

Either of those reasons, Yongsun couldn't stand seeing Byul cry anymore.

It dawned on her how selfish she had been to expect Byul to still love her after everything she put her through. She's been too selfish and she's ashamed of herself. The pain in her chest was too much and the room feels like its closing in on her.

So she walks out of the door.

Not because it's what she's good at; not because she wants to walk away from her problems instead of dealing with them. She walked away because she felt like she didn't have the right to cry in that room; she was not a victim but the villain in their story. She walked away because she didn't have the right to cry when both Seulgi and Moonbyul were crying because of something that she did.

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 

 


	13. Too Late To Say Sorry

 

* * *

* * *

_"Byul, we need to talk." Yongsun states when they reach their room after a long day of promoting their album._

_Yongsun didn't like the way Byul acted so rudely towards Eric, or to anyone showing even the slightest interest on Yongsun, for that matter._

_"We're finally going to talk about Eric's behavior towards you, earlier?" Moonbyul asks, taking Yongsun by surprise with the sudden turn of tables._

_"I could care less about Eric. But you on the other hand..." Yongsun states, letting the rest of her sentence hang, giving Byul a chance to reflect on her actions._

_"Me?" Moonbyul asks in confusion._

_"The press were there and you didn't bother to act civil towards Eric." Yongsun stated, "What if the media caught on? And the poor guy was so confused as to what he did wrong to you. It was embarrassing."_

_"You sure seem to be thinking a lot about other people's thoughts and feelings except mine." Moonbyul snickers, "I can't say I'm surprised."_

_"Byul. Eric doesn't know we're together, but he was respectful the entire night." Yongsun noted._

_"Look at you, defending your 'perfect husband'." Moonbyul remarks sarcastically._

_"Can't I have friends of my own now? He was just being friendly and you're acting like I cheated on you." Yongsun asks, her anger rising at how her words seem to fall on deaf ears._

_"You can have friends but not him." Moonbyul demands, making Yongsun groan in frustration._

_This has been their dynamic lately. Moonbyul making all the decisions and Yongsun complying to prevent further discussions._

_She knows Moonbyul means well so she doesn't protest. But sometimes it feels like too much; whenever she has problems, Byul takes care of it for her, and while that seemed like a positive thing, Yongsun felt like she didn't have much room to grow._

_"Byul, you're my girlfriend, not my owner. I'm pretty sure I have the right to choose my own friends just like you have the freedom to choose yours." Yongsun emphasizes._

_"I'm just protecting you." Moonbyul reasons._

_Yongsun sighs, "I'm very capable of protecting myself, Byul. I appreciate your concern but you don't have to protect me from Eric." She states. "He's my friend."_

_"He's your friend who happens to like you." Moonbyul shakes her head. "And don't get me started with the fact that he gets to hold you in public." The rapper admits._

_"You do that all the time too." Yongsun counters._

_"Yes. But people see it differently when its Eric, that sometimes I can't help but see it like that too." Moonbyul confesses._

_"Byul, I'm right here. I come home with you every night. What assurance do you still need? I'm your girlfriend. I'm just his friend." Yongsun declares._

_"I just want Eric to know that too so he'll stop hitting on you." Moonbyul comments._

_And Yongsun sighs. Moonbyul seem to have no plans on listening to her._

_"Byul, I'm tired of this." Yongsun confesses wearily as she tries to pacify Moonbyul from starting another argument._

_"Tired of what? Flirting with Eric?" Moonbyul remarked, she knew Solar wouldn't purposefully flirt with Eric in front of her but the articles about them was getting on her nerves, as if their fauxmance on a tv show weren't enough._

_"Are you serious right now?" Yongsun asked, crossing her arms defensively, offended with Byul's accusation. "We talked about this a hundred times. Eric's just a friend and we're both doing this for work. I thought you understood that."_

_"I do. But he doesn't seem to understand that when he placed his arm around your shoulder or when he placed his hand on your waist earlier." Moonbyul stated, a little agitated when she recalled the events earlier that night._

_"Byul. You do that with every girl you work with and you didn't hear anything from me." Yongsun stated, recollecting the times she felt jealous of Moonbyul's co-workers on Idol Drama Operation Team._

_"That's different." Moonbyul responded._

_"How so?" Yongsun questioned. "Because Eric is a guy and Seulgi and YooA aren't?"_

_"Because I don't act like I actually like them." Moonbyul retorts. _"Sure. Maybe they will find a cute moment at most that's about it, you won't see me being linked with someone constantly on news sites."_ _

_Yongsun opens her mouth in disbelief. "I do the bare minimum of acting as if I like him just so we can keep our relationship a secret and save our group from controversies, and you're going to use that against me?"_

_"I didn't ask you to do all that." Moonbyul whispers, but Yongsun was able to hear it._

_"Are you suggesting I stop doing it then?" Yongsun asks, frustrated at how Moonbyul doesn't seem to try to see it from her point of view. She's trying to do it for them but her efforts seem to go unappreciated. "I'm tired of-"_

_"Then sleep. Get some rest. We'll talk tomorrow." Moonbyul cuts her off. Byul knows they didn't have a choice, maybe that's what frustrates her more. She can't do anything about it. She wish they could be selfish, but in the path they decided to take, it almost seemed illegal._

_Yongsun wasn't as physically tired as she was mentally and emotionally, but as usual, Moonbyul wouldn't hear her out._

_Moonbyul has this habit of pretending like everything's okay, as if, if they have a goodnight sleep, tomorrow would magically be better._

_"Okay then. Let's talk tomorrow." Yongsun knows that Moonbyul is stubborn, forcing her to talk would just end up in more arguments, so Yongsun concedes; she never wins anyway._

_"I just want people to know that you're my girlfriend so they would stop making a move on you." Moonbyul grumbled, sensing that Yongsun still has a lot to say._

__She doesn't know how Moonbyul can be so worked up about it, when Yongsun repeatedly told Byul that she is ever only interested in her._ _

__Yongsun's_ features soften. "Byul, you know we can't do that." She says, taking a calmer approach as she takes a step closer to her girlfriend, caressing Byul's arms to comfort her. _

_Moonbyul looks up to meet Solar's gaze. She opens her mouth to say something but she hesitates._

_"What is it?" Yongsun asks, encouraging Moonbyul to speak her mind._

_"I know we can't tell the whole world yet, but maybe you can tell your parents?" Moonbyul suggested, rendering a very hesitant Yongsun, "We've been together for four years. I've already told my parents. Maybe its about time we tell yours."_

_Its not that Yong was ashamed of her relationship with Moonbyul, but the thought of telling her parents was something she dreaded. She knows she wasn't ready, but the hopeful smile on her girlfriend's face made her nod involuntarily._

_"Really?" Moonbyul asks, beaming a smile at her, as if she was reassured that Yongsun was as committed about their relationship as she is._

_How could Yongsun possibly say no? She didn't want to disappoint Moonbyul; the girl risked being disowned by her parents when she brought Solar home to introduce her as Byul's girlfriend a year ago. It's only fair that Yongsun does the same._

_The happiness that radiated from her girlfriend made Yongsun's knees go weak._

_Before Yongsun could say anything else, Byul pulled her by the waist, as Moonbyul's lips met hers._   
  


* * *

* * *

 

"Did I do something wrong?" it was the first words that Moonbyul said to Wheein when they came home from the hospital.

Wheein shakes her head. "No."

This has recently been a frequent scenario for them that its making Moonbyul worry; it feels like Wheein is shutting her off again.

"You've been quiet since we came from the hospital. What's wrong?" Moonbyul asks again, hoping Wheein would be honest to her. She couldn't think of something she did wrong earlier, but her girlfriend's actions tell her otherwise.

"I'm just tired." Wheein answers nonchalantly, an honest answer would've lead to more questions and the girl didn't want to talk about her thoughts yet. She wasn't ready; she just wanted to get some sleep.

"Tired of what?" The worry and insecurity in Moonbyul's voice was very evident that Wheein stopped her tracks, when she turned around to see Moonbyul's face, all the walls around her instantly crumbled.

Hyejin who walked in with them, went straight to her room to give her friends some privacy.

Moonbyul knows this situation all too well. She heard Yongsun say it to her many times before, only realizing what Yong really meant by it when they ended breaking up. She didn't know if she could handle that happening to her again.

"Babe..." Wheein coos, walking towards her girlfriend, reaching for Moonbyul's cheek on one hand, and her hand on the other. "I'm just physically tired right now. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?" she says reassuringly, giving Moonbyul a gentle kiss on her lips, pulling away before Moonbyul could reciprocate.

Wheein was about to walk to their room but Moonbyul didn't let her go, she tightened her grip on Wheein's hand instead. "I love you." Moonbyul utters, she couldn't think of any reason why Wheein would suddenly be upset, but she felt the need to remind her girlfriend of her feelings for her.

"I love you more." Wheein smiled softly, tapping her girlfriend's cheek gently before heading to their room.

Moonbyul knows Wheein didn't mean anything by it. But still, it didn't sit well with her. Maybe its the way Wheein said it, how she sounded so sure. Maybe it bothered her because she know its because its the truth.

Moonbyul loves Wheein, she genuinely do, but she feels like every time she takes a step forward to reciprocate what Wheein is giving her, Wheein does as well and Moonbyul sometimes feel like she couldn't catch up.

Moonbyul really didn't want to feel like Wheein is too good for her.

But she is.

Wheein is everything that's good in Moonbyul's messed up life, and she's afraid that Wheein might wake up one day and realize that she deserve better; that Moonbyul isn't enough. Just like Solar did.

Moonbyul was about to follow Wheein onto their room when the door bell rang.

* * *

"Yongsun." It feels weird how strange it is to see Yongsun in front of their apartment when they used to share it for a long time.

Yongsun was just as shocked as Moonbyul is; Hyejin told her she went home first, so Yongsun assumed Byul wouldn't be home yet. "Byul. I thought you were still at the hospital."

"Irene came." Moonbyul stated. "They wanted to talk alone so we decided to go home. Wendy and Joy stayed though." she explained.

The flash drive on Yongsun's hand along with an envelope caught Moonbyul's attention. "What's that for?" Moonbyul asks, assuming that it has something to do with work, otherwise, she couldn't imagine any reason why Solar would be in front of her now.

"Is Hyejin there?" Yongsun asked, avoiding Moonbyul's question. She wasn't really prepared to talk to Byul after what she witnessed in the hospital earlier.

"Yeah, she's inside. Do you want to come in?" Moonbyul offers.

"No." Yongsun shakes her head, "It's fine. I won't take long anyway." She thinks twice if she should just hand Moonbyul the drive and the letter but then Byul would've asked what its for and she wouldn't have known what to answer. "I'll just wait for Hyejin here."

Moonbyul was hesitant to leave Yongsun standing by the door to call Hyejin, but she complied.

"Byul." Yongsun called out just before Byul could completely turn away.

Moonbyul looked at Solar expectantly.

"This is actually for you." Yongsun confessed, reaching out the flash drive to her ex-girlfriend.

"What's this?" Moonbyul asks, but her eyes were lingering on the envelope that Yongsun was still holding.

"Its...I recorded myself for the choreo of our song. If you want to change something you don't have to consult me. You're better at those kind of things anyways, so..." she let the rest of her words hang in the air.

Moonbyul concluded that Solar is trying to avoid her, it doesn't take a genius to know that. She guessed it was because of what she said at the hospital. She didn't mean to hurt Yongsun, but she obviously did, and she felt bad, but at the same time, a little relieved that she got it out of her chest.

Yongsun bids her a smile as a sign of goodbye before walking away.

Moonbyul had the urge to ask Yongsun about the envelope on her hand, the way Yongsun clutched onto it told her that it has something to do with them. But she didn't ask, instead she quietly watched Yongsun walk away from her.

She didn't know why she wanted to stop Yongsun, she didn't know why she wanted to call out for her name; maybe its because this time, she knows she could actually stop her. It felt as if, if she calls out for her, Yong would actually come back.

But she knows one good reason why she shouldn't, and that reason is waiting for her in their room, and so she didn't.

"Byul." she heard Yongsun say, before she could enter her apartment. When she turns back at Yongsun, the girl was in the verge of crying. "I'm sorry." Yongsun says. "I'm really really sorry." she continues to apologize as tears fall from her eyes.

Moonbyul thought she had forgiven Yongsun a long time ago, that she had moved on, but the way her heart felt lighter for the first time proved her wrong. It actually felt like she didn't need band-aids for her wound anymore. Its almost silly how Yongsun's simple sorry could have such a big impact on her, as if its what she's been longing to hear all this time.

She imagined this scenario so differently before. She imagined how Yongsun would take her back, how she would easily give in and they would kiss and make up, but that was before she lost all hope. Things are different now. And its a little too late for them to have that kind of ending.

Moonbyul wanted to get mad at her, she didn't like how Yongsun still had that much power over her, how the girl could easily break and mend her heart so simply.

But she can't do anything about it. Seeing Yongsun cry never failed to break down her walls. She was fighting the urge to wrap her arms around the girl in front of her, and to kiss her pain away, but before she knows it; she's already wiping Yongsun's tears.

Yongsun couldn't help but lean in to Byul's touch, the feeling resembling to a traveler coming home from a long journey. She's aware it would end so soon, that's why she treasured every second of it.

"I'm sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean to." Yongsun continues to apologize, she wanted to meet Moonbyul's eyes but the guilt in her chest prevent her from holding Byul's gaze, so she eventually looks down.

Yongsun was taken aback when Byul's strong arms were wrapped around her, the contact sends a tingling sensation to her whole body, she didn't dare imagine that Moonbyul would ever willingly hug her again so tightly.

She hurt her and yet Moonbyul's arms are wrapped around her; as if trying to put back all the broken pieces of herself.

Moonbyul's self control seemed to leave her minutes ago, because the urge to close the gap between her and Solar  was becoming too strong, the thought of Wheein just being on the other side of the door slipping her mind.

Solar closes her eyes and tightens her hold on Moonbyul, trying to make sure that she won't wake up from a beautiful dream.

The rapper places a gentle kiss on Yongsun's forehead, the tip of Moonbyul's nose sliding down against Solar's forehead as Moonbyul lowers her head to kiss Yongsun's shut eyes, then proceeding to place a kiss on Solar's cheek.

Their faces were too close that Yongsun could feel Moonbyul's eyelashes traveling down against her skin and stopping when her lips were an inch against Byul's lips.

Yongsun's mouth quivering when she felt Byul breath out heavily against her lips.

Yongsun wants nothing more but to pull Moonbyul by the waist and close the gap between them, as if she was magnetized by the girl in front of her.

"Byul." Yongsun whispers instead, clinging on the small inch of moral reasoning left of her.

Moonbyul opened her eyes she didn't even realized were shut close, "Wheein." she hears Solar croak out, startling her to pull away, the anticipation of her lips touching Yongsun's leaving her body, and was quickly replaced with guilt.

Moonbyul checked the still closed door, releasing a subtle relieved sigh. For a second, she thought Wheein saw them.

She was relieved for a moment, but the guilt in her chest remained: just because they weren't caught - just because she didn't went through with it, doesn't mean Moonbyul didn't plan on doing it.

She wanted to slap herself for being such an idiot. Wheein didn't deserve what she was about to do, she wanted to scold herself for needing Yongsun to remind her of it. "I'm sorry." She says to Yongsun.

Yongsun shakes her head, thinking that it wasn't Moonbyul's fault. She shouldn't have come in the first place. She should've called Hyejin first to make sure she wouldn't bump into Byul but Yongsun felt happy to see her regardless.

"We'll talk tomorrow, okay?" Moonbyul asks hopefully, seeing the hesitation on Yongsun's eyes, she grabbed the girl's hand, spreading it open and placing the flash drive on her palm. "We're a team. Don't walk away from this. Let's talk tomorrow." Byul said with finality.

Not giving Solar any chance to protest, she turns around to enter her apartment.

Leaving Solar standing outside, left with her own devices, thinking of what just happened.

_Don't walk away from this._

She was supposed to leave them be. She was supposed to let Moonbyul go. That's the right thing to do, considering that Byul already has a girlfriend and knowing that she hurt her so much.

But her heart doesn't seem to listen to any logical reasoning, like a stubborn child wanting what it wants.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 


	14. I Won't Give Up

**CHAPTER 14**

* * *

* * *

Moonbyul was relieved when the living room was empty when she entered their apartment. She became aware of everything around her after she talked to Yongsun. She realized someone could've walked in on them.

And yet...she couldn't care less, not while it was happening at least.

It was like a scene in one of those sappy romantic movies she always watch with her members, except the one she shared with Yongsun; that moment was real. And she couldn't think of anything else at the moment. Or even anyone, anyone but... _Wheein_.

As soon as the girl crossed her mind, the feeling of Yongsun's skin that lingered on her lips, was laced with all kinds of guilt.

She almost kissed Yongsun the way she shouldn't have. She got lost in the moment and it actually felt like the right thing to do in that moment. But reality has a way of slapping you hard right in the face, and it didn't feel so right anymore because there's this girl in Moonbyul's mind and she's blonde and has this perfect smile, which she promised to love unconditionally, and she's waiting for her in their shared room.

A girl that deserves better. A girl that deserves to know what just happened; even if it will inevitably break her heart.

And thinking about it, Moonbyul thinks she's the worst person to ever walk on the planet.

* * *

When Moonbyul entered their room she sat beside Wheein who's occupied writing on her notepad.

"Wheein." Moonbyul started, it didn't help to ease her conscience when Wheein smiled at her innocently. She could already feel a black hole at the center of her stomach, knowing that she's going to take a way an angel's smile soon. "Can we talk?"

Wheein closed her notepad, placing it at the bedside table along with her pen. She already knew it wasn't going to be a pleasant one judging by her girlfriend's tone. She now regrets not sleeping early, thinking that she could've avoided having this conversation with Moonbyul right now. "About what?"

"Yongsun came." Moonbyul states, she didn't need to say more for Wheein to know the direction of the conversation they're having.

Wheein just nodded, encouraging Byul to continue. "She apologized to me."

Wheein genuinely smiled at her, "That's good to know." she manages to say, even though something in the pit of her stomach tells her that nothing about the situation will be good for her. But she is glad that Moonbyul finally got the apology she deserves. Maybe it will help her girlfriend ease some of the pain. "So you finally settled things between the two of you then?" she asked carefully- hopefully even. "You didn't end up in another fight, did you?" Wheein really hoped they ended their conversation in good terms, because it could mean that Byul could finally really start to heal, and maybe, just maybe, Wheein could finally feel secure in their relationship.

Moonbyul dreadfully shakes her head. Maybe she would have preferred that to be the case. She thinks its better to fight with Yongsun than to tell Wheein what really happened.

"Then why do you look like you ate guilt for dinner?" Wheein asks gently, taking Byul's hands in her, encouraging her girlfriend to tell her what she has too.

Moonbyul finds Wheein's voice to be too soft for Byul to tell her a hard truth. "I-" there was hesitation in her voice. At this rate, she didn't know if she should tell Wheein or just kiss her goodnight.

"Babe. Did you..." Wheein started, she knows Moonbyul too well. She knows her girlfriend too well to know that whatever she has to say, Wheein isn't going to like it, causing Wheein to think of the worst possible scenario she could think of.

"I almost kissed Yongsun." she finally manages to say, trying to stop Wheein from thinking a far worse scenario that what it really is.

Moonbyul felt suddenly cold when the warmth of Wheein's hand left hers.

Wheein didn't know what to say. Should she be thankful that Moonbyul didn't actually do it? She actually is thankful either way, but she is far from relieved. Because the thought was there; Moonbyul almost kissed Yongsun because she wanted to.

Moonbyul grabbed her hand. "I'm so sorry." Moonbyul states, and Wheein could hear the guilt and regret that she could've seen in Moonbyul's eyes if Wheein weren't too perplexed to to look at her girlfriend's face. "I know you don't deserve this. And I'm really really sorry."

"I have no excuse of what I was thinking." Moonbyul declares with a shaky voice, she was on the verge of crying, thinking about how closed off Wheein looked. She didn't know if she could survive if she ever loses Wheein, it scared the hell out of her in ways she didn't know how to even explain. "But it won't happen again, I promise you."

Wheein smiled sadly, managing to finally look at her girlfriend. Wheein could feel the sincerity in her girlfriend's voice, that even though she knows they have no way of knowing that, Moonbyul makes her want to believe its true.

"It was a stupid mistake." Moonbyul utters. "I just--" she was trying so hard to think of a way to explain to Wheein why she lost control. But how could she? When she herself didn't understand the reason. "She was crying, and I could see her hurting so much that I wanted to take away her pain." Moonbyul tells her girlfriend honestly. "I hugged her out of habit, and I kissed her forehead and..." she felt that it was necessary for her to honestly retell what happened. "I wasn't thinking, I realize now that doing that might hurt your feelings; and it was never my intention to hurt you in exchange of Yongsun's comfort."

Before Moonbyul could say anything else Wheein gently grabbed her by the chin, turning her head to face her. "I appreciate you telling me." Wheein states as she meets Moonbyul's eyes and smiles. "I can't say I'm happy with what you did, but I'm glad you told me."

Moonbyul telling her the truth meant something, and Wheein isn't going to look past that. Moonbyul, the girl she had loved for so long in secret, is now her girlfriend, and is trying her damn best for their relationship to work.

It might not be simple, and Wheein acknowledges that its possible that one of them might make some mistakes worse than this, and there will always be this possibility that they might not make it in the end, but Wheein sure as hell wouldn't give up that easily without giving her all.

"I didn't want to keep any secrets from you." Moonbyul declares. If there's one thing she learned with her break up with Yongsun, its that its better to get hurt knowing the truth than be happy with a lie.

The younger girl then leans in for a sensual kiss, holding the back of Moonbyul's neck with her other hand, deepening the kiss and sending electric tingles down Moonbyul's spine, soothing the feeling of guilt along her body.

Moonbyul didn't know if she should rejoice, because she didn't deserve Wheein's forgiveness that easily; but she's not going to complain, because Wheein is kissing her passionately, and when they broke the kiss off for a few seconds all she could think of was Wheein's eyes that were full of love and full of understanding. All her worries seemed to be washed away as Wheein smiles at her.

* * *

* * *

"You know, just because Wendy and I got back together, doesn't mean you're forbidden to talk to me." Eric says in a playful manner. She invited Yongsun for a morning coffee to bear her the good news, but the girl has been lost in her thoughts for a few good minutes.

Yongsun couldn't help but replay every single thing that happened the day before. How it felt like Moonbyul finally looked back at her for the first time. Last night was different for her, because they were able to talk about their past without them ending in another argument. But Yongsun wasn't sure that its a good thing, because now her heart is more confused than ever.

She was just about to give up, take a step to actually try and make an effort to give them some space but Moonbyul basically told her not to...at least not yet. And they're supposedly going to talk later, and Yongsun didn't know what to expect, or how to act.

And as if that wasn't enough to keep her gears turning, she's not sure if Moonbyul already told Wheein about what happened, and if so, how did she react to it?

"Yongsun." He managed to snap Yongsun out of her reverie, but the girl only smiled at him in return.

Eric didn't have to ask what his friend were thinking of, or who for that matter. He just sighs knowingly.

"How I wish I could turn back time so I can fix all my mistakes..." Yongsun stated, more to herself than to anyone else, really. She knows its just wishful thinking. All she can do now is try her best to fix the damages that she's done.

"Yongsun, don't ever think it was a mistake that you chose to find yourself." Eric wisely replies. "Don't think it was a mistake to love yourself a little bit more." he continues.

"But in exchange, I broke the heart of the very person I love." Yongsun points out, the look on Moonbyul's face when Yongsun broke up with her was still etched on Solar's mind, as if its a regular resident in her thoughts.

"I know that Moonbyul got hurt, but you said sorry for that already, right?" Eric really wasn't in the position to comment about Moonbyul's feelings, or their relationship, but the way Eric sees it, Yongsun suffered just as much, "Besides, the break up did both of you good."

Yongsun didn't say anything, but she did acknowledge that their break up caused both her and Byul some great changes, she just didn't know if it really was worth it. It's really hard for Yongsun to be positive about it when all she ever wants right now is for Byul to take her back, even while knowing that its a little too late for that.

"You know what? Sometimes it's better for two people to break up for them to grow up." Eric states, Yongsun has never been very subtle about her emotions, he could still clearly see the regret and worry that Yongsun's expression conveys. "It takes two grown-ups to make relationships work."

"You think I'm a grown-up?" Yongsun asks, finally breaking her silence.

Eric smiles when he sees Yongsun's lips slightly curve upward while holding her pout. "I'm sure you can face anything that will come your way."

And Yongsun smiles, she might not be sure about what might happen in the future, but having someone who has faith in her sure does makes her feel a little bit better to face whatever comes next.

 


	15. Realizing Reality

 

* * *

* * *

Yongsun admits that Eric and her should've been more careful. The day hasn't even passed yet and there were already articles about them that they were allegedly dating. It's silly, if Yongsun would think about it, but she knows how it looked like in the eye of outsiders. Anyone who would see the picture of them hugging in a secluded coffee shop might spark an idea, especially on those who wanted something to gossip about, that they're indeed hiding something; like a relationship.

But the funny thing is that Yongsun can't seem to care anymore.

A few days back, maybe she would already have a panic attack by now, because even though some people love her and Eric together because of the show they did, the news of them dating will always, always have a negative effect on both of them. She has seen a lot of idols' careers being ruined simply because they chose to act on their feelings. She never like the way some people think 'idols' aren't supposed to have feelings, that their sole purpose was to entertain their fans and that's it, but that's the way things are. That's the reality that they live in.

But Yongsun now realizes, that it doesn't matter.

She realizes now that however the general public might take it, her personal life shouldn't compromise for it. She shouldn't let her fear get the best of her. Otherwise, she would be losing herself in the process, and even the ones she truly care about. She learned that the hard way.

So it doesn't faze her now, and its not like Eric and her are really dating anyway. But she thinks about what Moonbyul would think about it, and she laughs at herself because how dare she assume that Moonbyul even cares? _They aren't together anymore_ , and it sucks how many times she have to remind herself that every single day.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard her phone go off. She looks at the caller ID and to see that it's her mom. She sighs, knowing that this would be about the article that their manager just showed her.

"Mom." she greets timidly.

"Is it true?" her mother asks, the excitement in her mother's voice almost breaks Yongsun's heart knowing that she would have to disappoint them yet again with her answer.

"Eric and I are just friends, Mom." Yongsun states begrudgingly, her manager who was in the room with her knew better, and left the room to give her some privacy. She thankfully smiles at the woman.

"But you seem close in the picture, are you finally coming to your senses?" Her mother asks, and Yongsun knows it isn't  just about her and Eric anymore. This is about her and men in general.

"I'm not interested in him in that way, Mom." Yongsun really didn't want to talk about it over the phone, but she has the courage now, and she's afraid that if she let another moment pass she'd never have the courage to say it to her mother again. "And I don't think I'd ever be interested in any man in that way." she admits ever so quietly.

But she knows her mother heard her, judging by the silence from the other line.

Her heart is beating so fast, dreading the possibility of hearing her mother disown her after the long silence. She wanted to end the call and just shut off the rest of the world but she wanted to be respectful. She wanted to hear what her mother has to say about her confession.

"You're just confused." Her mother finally says, and Yongsun almost wishes her mother would've just disowned her or cursed at her; at least it meant that she's finally accepting the reality of Yongsun's identity. But her mother's answer only proved that she'd rather lie to herself and deny the reality of it all. "You've been with that girl for a long time, so its only natural for you to say that now. But you'll eventually find a man who will change your mind."

Yongsun wanted to scream at her mother out of frustration, but she decided to stay calm. "That girl has a name, Mom; it's Moonbyul." she said in gritted teeth. She hates how her mother can't even say Byul's name now, as if they did not repeatedly told her how lucky she is to have a friend like Moonbyul. She remembers how her family loved Byul so much, and it hurts her how a simple confession changed that. "And believe me, no one's ever going to convince me that I'd ever love anyone more than I love her; not even you."

"Yongsun, this isn't you." She hears her mother say, so desperately. If only it was that easy to take back her words, if only it were easy to choose who to love, maybe she would've done it for her mother, for her family. She loved them too much not to try.

But wishful thinking never brought her anywhere. She loves Byul, and that's the reality of it. People, including herself, would just have to deal with that. "Mom. This is me. This is exactly who I am. I have always been this way." her tears are freely falling from her eyes now. This conversation has been long overdue; when she told her parents about her relationship with Byul, she did it for her girlfriend.

But this time, this time she's standing up to her mother for herself; and she didn't expect how it actually felt scary and gratifying at the same time.

"You've almost grown to be a wonderful woman, Yongsun. I don't know where we went wrong, but you'll come around eventually. At least you have the decency to break up with her." her mother states, that sent chills to Yongsun's spines in all the wrong ways. "You did the right thing." She can't believe her words fell on deaf ears. She can't believe her mother would overlook her efforts of finally being honest to her mother and to herself, just so she could impose to Yongsun her belief on the matter.

Yongsun shakes her head. "There is nothing wrong about what I feel for Moonbyul, Mom. But yes, I was wrong. I was wrong when I let the people around me dictate what was right to feel, because it's you, mom; you're way of thinking is what's wrong and it is such a shame that I've let your words get to me."

And with that the call ended, Yongsun wasn't sure who hit the end button first, but its not like it mattered anymore.

* * *

* * *

If looks could kill, Moonbyul might as well be dead right now.

Hyejin has been sending dagger-like looks in her direction for the past couple of minutes now.

They were waiting for Wheein to finish her recording. They were supposed to have a group practice but their manager said that Yongsun had an urgent affair she needed to go to, and so they got the whole day free after they finish recording some of their parts for their new song.

"Do you have something to say?" Moonbyul starts, she guess it has something to do with what she told Wheein yesterday, her girlfriend probably told Hyejin already.

"I'm mad at you, do you know that?" Hyejin asks rhetorically, and if Moonbyul doesn't feel guilty she would've laughed at how obvious the answer to her question is.

"Is this about last night?" Moonbyul asks knowingly.

Moonbyul took her silence as a yes.

"Remember when I told you that Wheein is my best friend?" Hyejin asks, crossing her arms.

"Yes." Moonbyul answers timidly.

"I told you that protecting her is my first priority, do you remember that?" Hyejin shots another question.

Moonbyul nodded, like a child being reprimanded by her mother, knowing all too well that she's in trouble.

"Well this is me doing just that." Hyejin starts. "I know she's acting like it's okay with her, but I hope you're not oblivious enough to actually believe her."

Moonbyul knows well enough to realize that what she did was not okay in any way. The brief comfort that she felt last night was good, but when the morning came the impact of her actions fell flat on her face. "Of course, I know that I've hurt her."

"No. No, unnie. She's hurting; present tense." Hyejin corrects her, it didn't help that Hyejin says it without judgement, yet her eyes shows pain. What did Moonbyul ever did to deserve such good people in her life? The guilt of inflicting pain to someone who was nothing but good to you is never a good feeling.

"I'm trying my best." is the only answer the Moonbyul could offer.

"Trying your best to what?" Hyejin asks, not quite satisfied with Byul's vague answer.

"To be good to her. To not hurt her. To be a better person. To deserve her." Moonbyul enumerates.

"But that's the thing." Hyejin frowns, "Love isn't about who deserves who. It's not a point system, Byul. Love isn't a competition." Hyejin shakes her head, and then laughs without humor. "You could be the worst person in the world and she's still going to love you." Hyejin states matter-of-factly. "The problem isn't what or who you are, the problem is what you feel. I need you to be sure- Wheein needs you to be honest of what you feel."

What was Moonbyul supposed to say? She didn't know. How can she explain to Hyejin something that she can't even explain to herself?

"Byul-ah, you know that I love you, right?" Hyejin asks softly, she needed to be sure that her unnie knows that whatever she's saying- and whatever she's about to say is coming from a place of love.

Moonbyul nods. Of course, Moonbyul would have to be a piece of brick to not feel Hyejin's love and concern.

Hyejin really didn't want to intervene, but she knows how Wheein is. One could argue that its the easiest thing to fall in love with Wheein, but she can also be a hard person to love; because she's combative, defensive and insecure all at once.

Another thing that Hyejin knows for a fact though, is that Wheein is also very loyal. And so Hyejin doesn't think Wheein would put herself first in this situation, because her best friend is apparently some kind of martyr.

"But like I said, Wheein's happiness is my priority. And I'm not going to tell you what you should do, because I'm in no position to do that; but I'm not going to stand in the sidelines while my best friend is hurting. I won't let you fuck with her feelings just because you're unsure about yours."

Hyejin finally said it, and Moonbyul heard her loud and clear, and its almost pathetic how Byul  badly wanted Hyejin to just tell her what to do.

She was taken aback at how Hyejin's words hit her in all the right places, and it hit her hard. "Hyejin-ah." She wanted to say something...anything...just so she could reassure her friend that she doesn't have to worry about Wheein because she could take care of her, but her mind was unable to form any words; even her throat were dried up.

"You don't have to say anything to me, Byul-unnie." Hyejin smiles at her understandingly.

And so Moonbyul doesn't.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 


	16. If This Was A Movie

 

* * *

* * *

It was Wheein and Byul's second monthsary. It felt strange to be reminded that they have been together for only two months, it felt longer for Moonbyul; the struggles they faced, the love they shared, it felt like more than a two months worth.

And so Moonbyul decided to surprise Wheein for their special day, but it seemed like she's the one who is in for a surprise.

"Hyejin! Have you seen the painting Wheein gave me?" Byul shouted from her room, the painting that Wheein gave her was missing from the top of their bedpost, the nail where it used to hang was the only thing that remained.

Hyejin poked her head in the room. "How could you lose a painting as big as that?" Hyejin questions.

"Have we been robbed?" Moonbyul panicked, searching for her valuables and making sure there's nothing missing.

"Byul-ssi, maybe Wheein took it down." Hyejin concluded, causing Byul to furrow her brows in confusion as to why Wheein would do so.

"Why would she take it down?" Moonbyul asks, her thoughts expecting the worse.

"Did you two fight?" Hyejin asks, raising an eyebrow.

Byul smiles sadly, "No..." she answered, they didn't, and sometimes Moonbyul wished they would, because she could feel Wheein closing off, she could feel her slipping away and she'd much prefer to fight with her and know how she feels.

"Why do you sound like you did?" Hyejin asks, crossing her arms, not convinced at her unnie's answer. "Well did you do something wrong? "

"Yah-" Byul interrupts their maknae. "Why would you assume that I did something wrong so quickly?" Byul pouts, making Hyejin chuckle, in all fairness to her unnie, Byul has been extra gentle with Wheein since they had the talk, she was just making sure that nothing's wrong.

Before Hyejin could answer and explain herself, Wheein entered the room.

"Wheein. Did you put down the painting?" Hyejin asks, as soon as she sees her best friend.

Wheein nods. "I couldn't finish the song...I was so frustrated I took it down." she reasons.

"Wheein." Moonbyul was taken aback at her girlfriend's blatant admission. "Where did you put it?" the worry she feels shows on her face; she thinks Wheein threw it away.

"It doesn't matter." Wheein replied nonchalantly, making Moonbyul flinch, wherever their conversation is going, she doesn't think it would be a good one.

Hyejin is contemplating whether she should leave and give her friends some privacy, but Moonbyul looks at her as if she's looking for her help, and so she decided to stay. "Why not?" she asks, knowing that her unnie is too afraid to do so.

Wheein flashes a comforting smile at Byul, despite Hyejin being the one who asked. "I wrote you a new one." she answers instead.

Byul sighs in relief, although she would've loved to have kept the first one, she's just glad her suspicion that Wheein was about to break up with her right there and then wasn't true. "But I like that painting. I look at it everyday." Byul comments.

Wheein smiles again, "That's why I took it down." she said softly, making Byul more confused than before, but she didn't have the chance to ask. "I bought us breakfast; let's eat." Wheein tells her girlfriend and her best friend.

* * *

Wheein have always loved romantic movies, and even though the girl might deny that fact, Byul knows her too well to believe her. And so Moonbyul prepared a romantic dinner date for them: dinner with candle lights at the roof top of their apartment; their life might not be a romantic movie, but tonight maybe they can pretend so.

It was Hyejin who lead a blindfolded Wheein to the rooftop.

Hyejin also happened to be the chef for the night, but Byul already expected her to order from a restaurant and claim that she cooked it like she had done so many times, even though they don't believe her.

"You can open your eyes now." Moonbyul whispers right after she removes Wheein's blindfold.

Wheein's eyes widened in awe, when Hyejin blindfolded her she got excited but she really didn't know what to expect, and seeing what Byul prepared for her, her stomach dropped because it definitely exceeded her expectation.

Her relationship with Byul hasn't been perfect the past month, and even though they don't talk about it, their denial about the whole situation took a toll on their relationship, and with those things considered, she expected their monthsary to be...less extravagant.

She expected Byul to buy her a bouquet of flowers at the very most, but seeing their usually plain white rooftop covered with lights and flowers, a table for two, and a floor filled with rose petals, Wheein realizes she underestimated Byul.

Making her feel guilty.

She didn't know what to say, she felt like the words were stuck on her throat.

"Do you like it?" Moonbyul asks, her eyes full of hope.

"I love it." Wheein answers, placing a quick kiss on her girlfriend's lips.

* * *

Ever since she almost kissed Yongsun, the woman just keeps invading her mind. She's frustrated that even now, when she's with Wheein, she would think of how it could've been her and Yongsun; if Yong would've just told her what's bothering her, maybe they could've fixed it, maybe they could be having this dinner.

Byul would shake it off her mind, but it will linger until she can't ignore it again. It's like a never ending cycle.

"Byul-ah" Wheein called out, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"What were you thinking just now?" Wheein asks, noticing that her girlfriend was lost in her thoughts for the nth time that night.

"I was just..." she's trying to think of a better way to tell the truth, but is there really a better way to tell your girlfriend that you're thinking about someone else while celebrating your monthsary?

Wheein really didn't need to hear her girlfriend's answer; she knew it right beforeshe asked. And that's when Wheein understood. She finally understood why Yongsun did it.  

They had a good night, the conversation flowed very naturally, they both found the food Hyejin ordered delicious, and how Moonbyul wished it ended at that, or a goodnight kiss maybe, like one of the many romantic movies they watched.

But then again, they are not living a fairy tale nor a romantic movie, it was real life, and it seemed like Wheein had a n entirely different plan on how their night would go.

"Do you remember the lyrics I wrote for you?" Wheein asks.

"On a tired and sleepy night, I want you even in my dreams, even if it's just one second a day. Stay by my side. Stay with me." Moonbyul recites, knowing the lyrics by heart.

Wheein took Byul's hand in hers across the table. "I want you to forget it." the shorter girl commands with her softest voice, and Moonbyul felt like she could melt hearing it, despite the confusion her girlfriend's request caused.

"I don't want you to stay with me anymore." Wheein states, while caressing her thumb against the back of Byul's hand, keeping the other girl stable. "What I need you to do now is be honest to me and to yourself."

Moonbyul shakes her head, she doesn't get why they were having this conversation right now, they were perfectly fine just minutes ago. "Wheein..."

Wheein shakes her head. "There's no easy way to do this, Byul." she states desperately, as if, if she let another moment without saying her piece, she'd never be able to say it again.

Wheein knows Moonbyul is going to ask what she meant, but Wheein also knows that Moonbyul knows the answer very well.

Wheein knows Byul just didn't want to admit it.

How Wheein wishes she could pretend that everything's fine like her girlfriend claims it to be, but doing that would just be repeating the mistake that Byul and Yongsun made not so long ago.

If she's being honest, she saw this coming. It probably wasn't a good mindset to think that sooner or later reality will caught on and their relationship will crumble but it's the truth, its what she has always felt; that's why she's been so insecure.

She just didn't expect that it will hurt that much to be proven right.

"It already hurts too much." Wheein finally admits. "So please be honest with me..." she pauses, contemplating not whether she's ready to ask the question but rather if she's ready to hear Byul's answer. "Do you love me?"

Moonbyul quickly looks up, she leans in across the table, looking straight into Wheein's eyes, as if she's letting Wheein have a peak at her soul. "Wheein-ah. You know that I love you." she answers immediately; she didn't want Wheein to doubt her love for her for another second. 

She's a little offended that Wheein would even question her love for her, but she understands where her girlfriend is coming from.

Wheein's heart felt tight against her chest, she has never heard Moonbyul say it as sincerely as how she said it now-  _no scratch that_ \- Wheein has never believed Byul as how she believes her now...and Wheein's conflicted what to feel about that because it's probably the last time she'd hear it.

But she didn't have much time to think too much about it knowing that her next question would break her heart. "Do you love her?" she asks, as she puts on a brave face, bracing herself for Byul's answer.

Moonbyul looks down again with shame and guilt, then looks up to meet Wheein's eyes. "I can't stand seeing you hurt." she expresses, and Wheein knew what it meant but its as if her ears were craving to physically hear it, as if she wanted reality to slap her by the face so she'd be able to wake up.

Wheein gently extends her shaking hand to her girlfriend's eyes, softly guiding her eyelids close. "So if you hurt me, you won't see." she states, retracting her hand as Moonbyul stays her eyes closed.

Moonbyul didn't dare open her eyes.

Wheein stares at her, taking in her beauty; she's memorizing every inch of her; like an ant saving food for the rainy days, so when the time comes that she's no longer allowed to look at Moonbyul like she's doing now, she'd be able to accurately draw Byul's face even with her eyes closed.

"Do you still love her?" She repeats her question when she had gathered enough strength.

Moonbyul wonders how Wheein could expect her to answer a question that she knows would break her heart. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Byul apologizes instead, but its the same thing as saying yes or nodding her head; and it all hurt Wheein just the same.

Wheein has been preparing herself to hear it all this time, and yet, nothing seem to prepare her for the pain of finally confirming it, because she could physically feel her heart taking a beating every beat. 

She have accepted it a long time ago, but knowing that Byul has finally admitted it herself, brought tears to her eyes. She placed a hand on her mouth to prevent herself from making a sound.

She didn't want Moonbyul to hear her cry.

She took a deep breath as an attempt to compose herself; she was trying to wipe her tears away but its only replaced with more tears streaming down her face.

"Do want us to end this?" she manages to ask, with all the strength that's left of her heart.

Moonbyul knows it was a losing battle either way. She could either save their relationship now or tell the truth, and she knows both answer will break Wheein's heart; its only a matter of when.

"Can you forgive me?"Moonbyul tries her best to hold her tears, she didn't feel like she had any right to cry because she's the one causing pain all this time.

Moonbyul didn't dare open her eyes; she didn't have the courage to.

She heard Wheein let out a sob, and then muffled sobs after that, she wanted to wipe her tears away, but she realizes how Wheein is trying her best not to let her hear her, and the least she could do is to stay put.

And then there were sound of footsteps...until there was silence again.

When Moonbyul opened her eyes she already knew Wheein won't longer be there.

She finally lets herself cry, basking at the reminder that reality are nothing like romantic movies.

* * *

And that's when Wheein really understood why even though Moonbyul loved her so, Yongsun chose to break up with her.

Sometimes love isn't enough.

Sometimes people break up not because of something big like cheating, or abuse, or lack of love, but just...not knowing how to communicate with each other...and she doesn't know what's more tragic.

How Wheein wished they didn't have to breakup. But she had to make a choice between saving herself and saving their relationship; she would've had her heart broken every waking moment if she chose to save their relationship.  

Sometimes...sometimes there are just people who will come to our life- people who are broken and wounded- and we'll accept them and love them and help them heal from their past; we'll help them build their selves up.

And Wheein realizes that sometimes, those people we helped to feel complete, are the very people who would break us into pieces.

_Two months._

And that was it.

But it's all Wheein could ask for.

All she ever wanted was to have a chance with Moonbyul; and she did.

Whether all the pain that she's feeling now is worth it, Wheein doesn't know yet.

"If you're ever given a chance to do it all over again, would you still do it?" Hyejin asks as Wheein's tears soaks her shirt wet, trying to make sense if letting it happen right from the start was such a good idea, when they all knew there's a high chance it would end up this way.

She feels Wheein nod against her chest, just as she expected; although she would have preferred it if her best friend would stop being a masochist for one second.

Knowing Wheein's answer, Hyejin felt a bit at ease from the guilt she's been feeling for doing nothing to stop it when she had the chance.

"And I'd be here every single time, however it ends...always." Hyejin promises, caressing Wheein's hair as her other hand rested on her best friend's back.

Wheein clings to Hyejin, like she clings to her promise, finding a little bit of comfort with her best friend's words.

"I'm sorry if I didn't do anything to stop it." Hyejin apologizes, and Wheein shakes her head because Hyejin is the very last person who should apologize.

"You just respected my decision." Wheein states, "It was my fault. I knew how she felt, but I was clinging to the fact that she loved me too; I was too stubborn thinking that was enough to make it work." she sobs again.

"Shhh." Hyejin cooes, "You both tried...it just didn't work out and that's no one's fault." Hyejin tried to assure her she did nothing wrong.

"I should've ended it when you said so." Wheein states regretfully, even though they both knew she didn't mean it. Hyejin warned her before, as early as she could, she told Wheein it would be better to end it while she still can, while she can still control her feelings.

"I was just...I wasn't ready." Wheein declares. "And I know that if I walk away then...she wouldn't run for me to come back." she states as every word felt like a stab to her heart because of the reality of it.

Hyejin wanted to be mad, she wanted to punch Moonbyul in the face, but she knows it wouldn't change anything; Wheein would still be broken, and she hates the fact that Wheein would probably be mad at her instead for doing so.

Hyejin wanted to be mad at the world that the very girl she swore to protect is broken and she couldn't do anything about it, because the one who could mend her heart is the one who broke it.

She has never felt so helpless in her life than in that moment. "I wish I could do something to make you feel better."

Wheein hugs her tightly, "You being here is enough."

How Hyejin wishes its true...

* * *

* * *

**A/N:**

**I'm so sorry for this chapter.**

**Idk. I just felt like I needed to apologize.**

**I admit that writing this broke my heart, but angst is all I know.**

**and we still don't know if the last chapter would have less angsty feels.**

**So we'll see...**

**Thank you for reading! I love you all so much.**


	17. Way Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter, you guys...or is it?

 

* * *

"You're not the only one who got hurt." Seulgi reminds Byul, maybe she's in no place to be the one telling Moonbyul this; she did drink a bottle of shampoo just because Irene broke up with her.

But that's exactly why she knows.

She saw how Irene cried beside her, how worried sick the woman was when she saw Seulgi at the hospital bed. She realized that even though Irene broke up with her, it doesn't erase the fact that Irene loves her.

Wendy spent a whole hour reprimanding Seulgi and scolding her on how she wasn't the only one hurting; she figured it's her turn to do the same to Byul.

"Yongsun-unnie was hurting too and we saw that." Seulgi points out, like they did many times before; the only difference now is that Moonbyul was actually willing to listen.

It was so much 'easier' for Byul to realize that Seulgi is right.

She knows how hard it is for Wheein to break up with her. Moonbyul also knew that she did it because she was the only one brave enough to face the truth; that there was something wrong with their relationship; something that Byul failed to do.

"She never wanted to hurt you." Seulgi states. "You got hurt only because you weren't willing to give her what she was asking of you." Seulgi says, as if she's also telling it to herself. It's funny how they can be in the same position right now, but the one giving advice is crazy enough to make an attempt to end her life with a bottle of shampoo.

Moonbyul doesn't say a word, she's looking at the ground, letting Seulgi's words sink in.

"Don't you see? If she didn't choose herself and she let you take control everything, her heart would have been broken every moment she was with you until nothing would have been left of the Yongsun you loved." Seulgi comments, and Byul finds it hard to not think about how the same could be said with her relationship with Wheein.

When she decided to start a relationship with Wheein she promiesd herself she'd be a better girlfriend; that she won't repeat the mistakes that Yong and her did...but now she wonders if she learned anything at all.

Seulgi said it as if its the most obvious thing in the world...and maybe it was, if only she listened to Yongsun before. But Byul focused on her pain, it was too loud that she couldn't hear anything else, and she couldn't see anything through her tears.

Seulgi takes Moonbyul's silence as an acknowledgement of her statements. "The question is, do you still love her?" Seulgi asks, and Moonbyul looks at her as if she just said the most ridiculous thing in the world.

"That never changed." Moonbyul replies, she didn't know how good it could feel like to finally be able to be honest to herself and everyone around her.

And that should've been it. Seulgi is supposed to tell her to go get her girl but life was never that easy.

Moonbyul is still not sure if love is enough.

* * *

Moonbyul found Yongsun at their music room, she seemed to be in deep thought.

"Hyejin told me you'd be here." Moonbyul states as she sat beside Yongsun, snapping the girl out of her reverie.

Yongsun didn't know what to say, its the first time they're going to talk since the night she came to their apartment.

"I just talked to CEO Kim." Moonbyul states, and Yongsun immediately turned her head to Byul, dreading the idea that invaded her mind.

"You're not going to leave are you?" Yongsun's voice was too quiet, afraid that if she said it a little louder it might come true. She tried to find comfort with the fact the they are still binded by their contract.

Moonbyul shakes her head, "Not if you won't allow me to." Moonbyul answers.

Yongsun furrows her brows, silently asking for a  further explanation.

"I asked CEO Kim for a one year break after our promotions for this album. I suggested if we could pursue our solo careers for a year, but of course, I told him that I'd talk to you guys about it first." Byul explains.

She thought this through for about a thousand times before voicing it out. She concluded that its what she needed- what they needed. She tried trying to be professional and continue their work despite the break up, but it didn't work out before, having two exes in her group doesn't sound like it would be any different, if not worse.

"And?" Yongsun asks, she had a lot of questions but somehow its all she could manage to ask yet.

"He agreed as long as its a unanimous decision for us four." Moonbyul continued. "I already talked to Hyejin about it, and she thinks it would be for the best."

"Why would you- if this is because of what happened..." Yongsun trailed off, she didn't want to be the cause of any conflict. She's oblivious with what happened to Wheein and Byul's relationship since they barely talked.

Byul shakes her head, guessing what Yongsun might be thinking.

"What about Wheein?" Yongsun asks, she didn't want to use Wheein as a reason to make Byul stay but she's desperate. She have a feeling that if they ever agree Byul would fly out of the country. Yongsun thinks that if there's anyone who could stop Byulyi from doing so, it would be Wheein.

"We're through." Byul states, looking at the ground, she could feel the guilt and pain resurfacing, it hasn't been two days since, and the echoes of Wheein's muffled sobs that day just keeps getting louder and louder on Moonbyul's head.

The break up seemed like a mutual decision, but to Byul it felt like they didn't have much choice.

Yongsun looks up at Byul again, she didn't know what to say. The crack in Byul's voice caused a crack right through her heart. She feels guilty for causing conflict on Byul and Wheein's relationship. She never meant to ruin another person's happiness.

She looks down with guilt weighing her down, she fidgets with her hand nervously. She doubts if an apology would suffice but its all she could offer right now. She takes a deep breathe, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Byul."

"No." Byul replies. Solar managed to look at Byul, who is already looking at her, she realized that they were in the same position as Byul fidgets with her hands as well.

"I'm sorry." Byul apologizes as she looks away, the guilt on her chest prevents her from looking at Yongsun's eyes. "I'm sorry for not saying sorry when I hurt you before." she states.

Byul remembered how she expected an apology from Yongsun, thinking that she owed her at least that. But she realizes now how hypocritical that sounded, because they were both hurt and she did things to intentionally make Yongsun feel her pain and not once did she think that she owed Yong an apology...until now.

"When we broke up..." Byul started, "I only thought of myself...I only thought of my feelings and what I wanted." she confessed. "I focused on my pain and I didn't let myself believe that you were hurting too." she added. "I'm sorry if I was selfish."

Its almost funny how Byul was so nervous about asking Yongsun for an apology when the woman has forgiven her long time ago. Yongsun never expected an apology from Byul; it was her who initiated the break up after all...but nonetheless, Byul's apology sounded so good in Yong's ears that it brought her to tears.

"I didn't understand that you needed to find the Yongsun who got lost when you loved me." Moonbyul states as her eyes well up, the regret of being stubborn and selfish was knocking on her chest with every word she utters.

Yongsun placed her hand on Byul's cheek, "The Yongsun who still loves you." she clarifies.

Moonbyul leaned in to her touch as she let her tears fall down, holding Yong's hand touching her face and intertwining it with hers. She kisses Yongsun's hand, covering it with both her hands holding it like her life depended on it.

They stayed like that for a minute.

And Yongsun feels a mix of emotions, as she finds comfort in Byul's hold of her hand as she watches Byul cry in pain.

"You don't know how much I want-" Byul pauses as she tries to control her sobs. "-how much I want for it to be us again. I wish we could be together again." Moonbyul states in between her sobs.

Yongsun would've been the happiest girl in the world with that statement if it wasn't for the supposition of it all; of how Byul said it as if its a distant wish.

"But everytime I feel how much I love you...I can't help but feel all the pain all over again." Moonbyul confesses, "And I'm sorry for that."

Yongsun never knew honesty could hurt this much. "What should I do?" Yongsun asks desperately, she wanted to stop Byul from hurting, she couldn't stand seeing Byul hurt for another second, knowing that she's the cause of it all but she feels so helpless.

"It's me this time, Yong." Byul says, as she manages to control her tears from falling. "This time I'm the one who needs time and space to heal, so I can forget all the pain." she declares as her eyes meets Yongsun's. "So I could remember all that was beautiful about us."

Yongsun cries harder, but she nods; she understands.

"So that the Byulyi who got lost when we broke up can find her way back." Moonbyul states, wiping away her tears as Yongsun helps her, even though there were also tears falling from Yong's eyes. "I want my heart to stop breaking, Yong..."

She composes herself, tucking a strand of Solar's hair away from her face and cupping Yongsun's face with both her hands, "So that if we ever get back together, I can love you again with my whole heart; without fear, even if we get hurt again."

When Yongsun felt Moonbyul's lips against hers, she closed her eyes, cherishing every moment as she instinctively take hold of Byul's arms. Their kiss was gentle yet passionate, and how Yongsun wishes it wasn't as brief. How Yongsun wishes she could just kiss Byul's pain away so Moonbyul wouldn't need to leave.  How she wishes that would've been it.

But reality wakes her as soon as she felt Byul pull away, and before she knows it she's alone in the room again.

She was still crying, but the pain in her chest wasn't as heavy as it was before, because even though Moonbyul would leave for a year, the thought of Byul returning with a healed heart brought comfort to Yongsun, making her look forward to tomorrow just a little bit brighter...lighter.

Yongsun concludes that its enough for now.

* * *

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the lack of updates...
> 
> Thank you for all those people who read this until the end and put up with all the angst of this story. Y'all are the real MVPs. Haha
> 
> I really had fun writing this story, I hope you had as much pleasure reading it.
> 
> I hope you could write down your thoughts on this story on the comments section...pretty please?
> 
> Again...thank you!
> 
> I'm gonna put one last chapter before the epilogue. Please be patient with me.


	18. A Kiss Goodbye

"So that's it?" Wheein asks, startling a sneaking Byul, freezing her to her spot at the middle of their living room.

Moonbyul wanted to leave their apartment and stay at their hometown for a while before her flight since their promotion has ended. She talked to Hyejin about it, but she didn't know where her and Wheein stand, so she's not sure how to approach the girl, hence why she's sneaking out in midnight.

"I know two months is short...but don't you think I deserve a proper goodbye?" Wheein asks, her facial features as sharp as a knife, as she clenched her jaw.

"Wheein-" Byul was about to explain herself, but Wheein didn't give her a chance to.

"First, you told Hyejin to ask my permission about your plan, not bothering to ask me personally, then you go sneaking in the middle of the night- to what? Avoid me? Were you even planning to talk to me at all?" Wheein demands an answer judging by the way she sounded and the way she looked at Byul.

Wheein is mad, and Moonbyul is confused as to why she feels happy about it.

Maybe part of it was because it reminded her of how they would have petty fights and how Wheein looked cute when she's mad, but mostly because Wheein have always put her first.

Even when Wheein's mad, Byul could feel like she's holding back, as if, if she gets too angry she'd lose Byul.

And now she's not holding back anymore...

"Are you really just going to stand there and ignore me?" Wheein huffs in disbelief, snapping Byul out of her reverie.

"I didn't know how to talk to you." Byul admits. "I want to - of course - but...I feel so ashamed for hurting you." she confesses, looking at the ground because of the guilt that's still clouding her heart.

"You don't have to." Wheein replies in a much gentler tone. "I entered a relationship with you, because I love you." Byul was taken aback at how easy it was for Wheein to say it, but she really shouldn't be, because love doesn't always just stop at the end of a relationship . "I know what I was getting into. So no, I'm not mad at you." Wheein reassures Moonbyul, although saying that she  _can't_  would've been a more accurate term.

"You should be." Byul replies almost automatically.

Wheein shakes her head, taking Byul's hand in hers. "I'm the one who got tired. I thought I could bear the pain as long as we're together, but I couldn't see you pretend like everything's fine while your heart still have its bruises. I couldn't stand how I couldn't do anything about it."

And its not like Wheein could hate Moonbyul even if she tried.

It was Moonbyul's turn to shake her head. "You deserve so much better."

And Wheein almost laughs because who ever said she wanted someone better? All she ever wanted was-  _is_  Byul; that should be the end of it, but the world proved to her that that's not how life works.

"I wanted you though." the words escaped Wheein's lips.

"You might not believe me, but I wanted us to last; I wanted you to be _it_  for me." Byul smiled sadly, "But I realized that maybe I'm not the one you need." Byul really tried to be better to deserve Wheein, but it didn't seem like it was ever enough.

"I'm starting to believe that too." Wheein answered truthfully. It's starting to make sense to her that maybe the reason why the universe let them be together is for her to be enlightened that Byul isn't the one for her.

"You're going to find that person, Wheein-ah." Byul tries to reassure her.

Wheein smiles and shakes her head again, "You make it sound like I'm looking for  _the one_." Wheein comments;  _she's not_. "I was never searching for someone to love. I was contented and happy being by myself." she states. "But I guess life had different plans and I stumbled upon love in the form of you."

Moonbyul couldn't help but smile at the purity of how Wheein said it. It was a genuine statement that matched Wheein's content smile, that for the first time, made Moonbyul's heart feel light without the guilt nagging on her for the possibility of not being enough for Wheein.

"I'm going to be fine." Wheein promises; to herself more than to Byul. "It might take some sleepless nights, but I'll eventually get over this sadness." she states placing a hand on Byul's cheek.

Byul leans in at her touch. "I'm sorry."

Wheein wanted to say that she's sorry too. She's sorry that they didn't work out. She's sorry that they didn't last like she hoped for.

But more than being sorry, she was thankful.

And so she shakes her head, "No." she disagreed. "You don't have to be sorry. We both tried our best." Wheein replies, acknowledging Byul's efforts. Wheein acknowledges now that they both gave it their best.

They need to stop blaming their selves for something that just couldn't be helped if they wanted to heal. 

No matter how Wheein waited for it for so long, no matter how hard  _they_ tried _,_ if something doesn't fit; it just won't. 

"Our relationship might be short-lived but it was my happiest moment." Wheein declared. "So please don't be sorry for something that made me feel such joy." she proposed. 

Next thing they know, Byul was crying.

She thought she'll leave Korea with a heavy heart of knowing that she broke the very person who helped her heal.

But Wheein's right in front of her, wiping away her tears, giving her forgiveness- no- telling her that there's nothing to forgive.

Byul didn't even know where to start. She couldn't articulate how grateful she is for Wheein, for having the chance to experience the beautiful person that she is. All her thoughts, everything that she wanted to say, a 'Thank you' summed it all up.

"Thank you, Wheein-ah." Byul said gratefully as tears flow from her eyes. She didn't have to elaborate it; Wheein understands.

"Thank you too." Wheein doesn't know if her tears dried out from crying too much since their break-up, she's just glad she isn't crying.

"Wheein-ah..." Byul trailed off, contemplating whether she should continue what she's about to say but then deciding to proceed. "I love you." 

Wheein smiled, before her tears finally came rolling down, and this time it was Byul's turn to wipe away her tears.

It's funny how she could easily believe Byul's words now, in contrast to when they were still in a relationship. Maybe its because this time there's no reason for Byul to say it, no obligation, no pressure, but she still said it; because she meant it.

Wheein recognizes that Byul didn't say it in hopes of getting back with her.

Byul said it so Wheein knows.  _So Wheein believes so._

And Wheein nods her head in acknowledgment causing Byul to smile with contentment.

"Byul?" Wheein asks reluctantly after a while. "When we broke up I- there's one thing I regret not doing."

Byul tilts her head. "Do you regret not giving me my monthsary gift?" Byul jested, hoping its not to soon to crack her joke. In her defense, she really wanted to hear the complete version of Wheein's song dedicated to her like she was promised.

Wheein almost rolls her eyes at Byul for ruining the moment, but finds comfort at Byul's awkward and hesitant chuckle. "No. Not that."

"Then what?" Byul asks.

Wheein placed her hands on Byul's shoulders and proceeded to tiptoe to level with Byul's height, leaning in but then stopping right before her lips reaches Byul's. Her eyes searched for Byul's as she asks for consent.

Moonbyul's breath hitched as she gave Wheein permission.

The kiss was brief, but it didn't lack the passion they used to have. It was sweet and pure.

And none of them were crying.

There's still pain...in both their hearts. They recognize that it won't magically disappear with a single conversation or a single kiss. But they both acknowledge the fact that time would help them understand why they didn't work out.

And as Moonbyul looked at her ex-girlfriend, there's one thing she's certain of:

_Wheein will always be the best thing that she have set free._

* * *

And as for Wheein, _Moonbyul will always be her favorite person to write about._

* * *

It was a day after Moonbyul's flight. She was at her rented apartment in Japan, eating her lunch while watching- _listening_ to a kpop music station when she heard a very familiar voice.

 **** _Your shadow, your back_  
I’m used to it  
My days draw you again  
They’re long and repetitive

 **** _At your small kind acts_  
My trembling feelings overflow  
But I’m waiting for a chance  
Behind you

 **** _The spot you passed_  
It’s lonely but I want you more  
Even your warm scent  
As if you just passed by

 **** _On a tired and sleepy night_  
I want you even in my dreams  
Even if it’s just one second a day  
Stay by my side

**_Stay with me_ **

Moonbyul almost spat the coffee she was drinking when she realized that it was the song...

 **** _Waiting through this long season_  
I’m used to it  
My heart looking at you  
Why does it hurt so much?

****_I’m emptying myself  
and filling up with you  
But it’s hard to have your heart_

****_The spot you passed_  
It’s lonely but I want you more  
Even your warm scent  
As if you just passed by

 **** _On a tired and sleepy night_  
I want you even in my dreams  
Even if it’s just one second a day  
Stay by my side

 **** _I’m not there in your world_  
I know this too well  
My heart is getting weaker  
It’s filling up with worries about you  
Like this

 **** _The spot you passed_  
It’s lonely but I want you more  
Even your warm scent  
As if you just passed by

 **** _On a tired and sleepy night_  
I want you even in my dreams  
Even if it’s just one second a day  
Stay by my side

It was the song that Wheein promised her. The song that was supposed to be a gift for her.

...And now it's Wheein's gift for the world.

* * *

* * *

**A/N:**

Fun fact: I'm constantly listening to Jung Wheein's Shadow everytime I write a Wheebyul centric chapter. Haha

**I know you guys were expecting an epilogue.**

**And I will deliver, I promise.**

In the meantime I hope you liked this chapter.

I think I needed to get this angst out of the way first. I feel like this part deserved to have a chapter of its own.

**After all, I never intended this story to be just about Moonsun. I wanted this story to be about Wheebyul just as it was about Moonsun.**

Moving on, what will happen when Byul returns after a year?

What happened during Mamamoo's 1 year break?

Will the epilogue be less angsty?

I guess we'll find out next chap ;)

 


	19. EPILOGUE

_Everyone was excited about Mamamoo's comeback as a four act after a year-long hiatus._

All of the girls' solo careers soared high as they showcased their individual charms on producing music and releasing their solo albums; hit after hit.

 **Hwasa** have been in demand for commercial deals, and have worked with a lot of artists throughout the year due to her song collaborations, and tv guestings.

 **Yongsun** , on the other hand, has been busy with her concert tour all over South Korea, and managing to bag a supporting role in a television series.

And as for **Wheein** , well, her solo album is filled with melancholic songs, that, as some of the fans say, 'would strum your emotional heartstrings', and it made her voice in demand for official soundtracks on television dramas.

Not having Moonbyul around didn't hinder Mamamoo from attending school festivals as a group.

The three of them would still perform at school festivals, with both their solos and Mamamoo's old songs, and they would always laugh at how the fans turn wild whenever Byul's voice would play through the speaker for her rap part.

Sure, Wheein, Hwasa, and Solar continued to produce new music after Moonbyul's departure, but it just wasn't the same for most of the fans.

So when the people heard the news of Byul returning to South Korea, everyone was excited.

_But Moonbyul doesn't think there is anyone that could be more excited than her._

On her flight back to South Korea, she played Yongsun and Wheein's sub-unit song on repeat.

It actually charted well; part of it was probably because of the whole fiasco revolving around the song that made it even more appealing for the general public.

* * *

_It was the first legitimate dating controversy from Mamamoo, but unlike what majority of the fandom expected, it wasn't actually between Moonbyul and Yongsun..._

_Affectionate photos of Wheein and Moonbyul hinting at what seems definitely more than a regular friendship, started circulating on the internet, just a month after Byul flied to Japan._

_One was a low quality photo of Byul and Wheein hugging inside Byul's car._

_And the other one was a photo of the two in a secluded restaurant somewhere in Busan; Byul was seen holding up Wheein's chin, as if she's about to kiss Wheein, while her other hand was interlaced with Wheein's._

_Some fans believe there was something between the two, and some say that they are just really close friends._

_There have been conspiracy theories that Wheein's sad songs were actually inspired by Byul's departure, speculating that the two dated for a while and had broken up. Some claim that Wheein is still in a relationship with Byul, while others think otherwise; convinced that Yongsun and Byul definitely had more proofs that they dated or are still dating._

_Mamamoo's management immediately released an official statement denying the issue, with Wheein's permission._

_But it didn't stop the general public from talking about it. So when Yongsun and Wheein released a sub-unit song entitled "Angel", everyone had their fair share of opinions about the underlying meaning of the song._

* * *

* * *

_It was right after their meeting with their CEO about the issue regarding Byul and Wheein's pictures that Yongsun had the courage to confront Wheein. It's not like Wheein had made her feel like they weren't on speaking terms; in fact, Wheein acts as if the whole thing with Byul didn't even happen. And for a while Yongsun played along and pretended as if nothing happened, because she thought that it was Wheein's way to cope with the situation. But ignoring the problem doesn't make it go away, and so when the news broke, Yongsun didn't hesitate to address the issue._

_Everyone in the meeting room left except for Yongsun, Wheein and Hyejin._

_Hyejin noticed how Yongsun kept on stealing glances at Wheein during the meeting. She knew that their leader was probably anticipating to talk to Wheein regarding the issue at hand. And like the good maknae that she is, she excuses herself; giving Yongsun and Wheein an opportunity to talk privately._

_"Wheein-ah." Yongsun calls out just before Wheein could leave the room to follow Hyejin._

_Wheein was a bit startled at the abruptness of Yongsun's call. "Yes, unnie?" Yongsun looked nervous, making Wheein feel nervous as well._

_Yongsun stood up from her chair and took a step closer to Wheein. "I just..." she hesitates whether it was a good time to bring up the issue. "Are you okay?" Yongsun cringed at her own question; Wheein was obviously not okay despite the brave smile that's plastered across her face._

_"I could be better." Wheein replied, and Yongsun was taken aback at the honesty that Wheein gave her. "But it's nothing I can't handle." she reassures their leader._

_Yongsun didn't expect Wheein to be so honest about it, so she didn't know what to tell Wheein now. "Is it really okay for the management to release a statement denying your relationship with Byul?" she asks carefully._

_Wheein chuckles. "I don't see why it should be a big deal. We broke up." Wheein states. "It doesn't matter to me if people found out the truth or not. What matters is that it is real to me; I know that there was a time that she loved me." she states matter-of-factly._

_Yongsun could hear the pain in Wheein's voice, but there was also peace. And Wheein did look at peace, regardless of how she really felt. "But if ever...i'll support your decision if you wanted to adm-"_

_Wheein shakes her head before Yongsun could finish. "Unnie, if Byul and I were still together and the pictures surfaced, I would've gladly admitted it. Even if the management would like me to deny it- I would've fought them and tell the public the truth. But we're not. And she's not even here." Wheein states. "Admitting it now would just cause more damage than the fulfilment it would bring to tell the whole world that the girl I loved for so long, loved me back, even just for a while." she reasons._

_Wheein understands why Yongsun might feel like denying her past relationship with Byul might affect their leader this much. Mamamoo might receive an overwhelming backlash if ever she decided to confirm it. But Yongsun didn't look like she was concerned about that despite herself. In fact, she looks like she was genuinely concerned with how Wheein was feeling at the moment, as if she could care less about what other people would say._

_"Wheein-ah. I'm sorry." It was an apology that was long overdue; it wasn't because Yongsun didn't feel the need to apologize, it was simply because Yongsun didn't have enough courage to acknowledge everything that happened._

_"Are you the one who leaked the pictures, unnie?" Wheein shot her a puzzled look, but her tone was playful, obviously trying to shrug their conversation to a different direction._

_"Wheein-ah. You know what I'm apologizing for." Yongsun replied, adamant to address the issue at hand. She looks down in embarassment because she wasn't used to have such a serious conversation with Wheein. They used to have such a carefree dynamic; they used to fool around all the time every chance they get. Yongsun feels responsible for ruining that._

_When Wheein sighed so heavily, Yongsun almost wanted to crawl back to her shell; thinking that it was a bad timing to address the issue, after all._

_"Yongsun-ssi." Wheein starts, her voice is gentle, as if trying not to scare Yongsun away. "It was my choice too." she states. Wheein doesn't understand why Yongsun would feel responsible for how things ended up, but Wheein knows that she thinks that way; so she tries to assure her that it wasn't completely Yongsun's fault._

_"I couldn't blame you for wanting Byul back. I know how much you love her." Wheein reasons, she lets out a breathy chuckle. "I should be the one apologizing." she continues, "It happened so fast, that I couldn't stop myself when I saw a chance to be with her. I didn't stop to think of what you'd feel-" Wheen stops mid-sentence, shaking her head. "No, I did stop and think about you; I know you still loved her then. But I was selfish, and I made a conscious decision to pursue my feelings for her; regardless of what you'd feel."_

_"Wheein, stop." Yongsun demands. She won't let Wheein take the blame for what happened. Yongsun made a choice to let Byul go; if it wasn't Wheein, it could've been some other girl; no one should be held responsible for whatever happened but herself. "I know that you loved her for so long." Yongsun states. She couldn't imagine how hard it must've been for Wheein to keep her feelings all to herself for so long. She couldn't blame Wheein for wanting to be with Byul._

_Wheein looks up at her. "You do?" she asks. Yongsun never gave her the impression that she knew about it._

_Yongsun smiles softly, "I wasn't sure before, but- I mean, your relationship with Byul pretty much confirmed that I have been right all along." she states._

_Wheein sighs. "But that's all in the past now, right?" she hopefully asks, she doesn't see any use in reliving the past. She didn't regret the decisions that she made. Her heart has always been stubborn._

_Yongsun frowns, "I can't just brush off the fact that I've hurt you, Wheein-ah."_

_Wheein shakes her head, "I know I've hurt you too. So I guess we can call it quitts now."_

_"Wheein-" Yongsun stops when she felt Wheein's fingers against her lips._

_"Yongsun-ssi, I'm just tired right now." Wheein admits. "I know things aren't the same as before, but we can fix it right?" it was more of a statement rather than a question._

_And Yongsun smiles, nodding her head in full confidence. "Of course, we will."_

_Yongsun was taken aback when she felt Wheein's arms wrapped around her waist, that it took her a second reciprocate the embrace. A smile crept on her face as Wheein tightens the hug._

_"I missed you." they both said in unison, just in time for Yongsun to see Hyejin watching them with a content smile on her face._

* * *

Yongsun was blasting 'Selfish' on their practice room as she was waiting for Wheein and Hyejin to arrive. Her lips formed a faint smile as she reminisce how Byul and her worked together for the song. She wonders how long she would have to wait just to hear Byul's voice in person again.

"That's a beautiful song." Yongsun's heart beat faster as soon as she heard a familiar voice, one she could recognize at any given time.

Yongsun didn't waste time to look at where the voice was coming from, she beamed a smile even before she could see that it was indeed Moonbyul.

"Do you know who the singer is?" Byul asked teasingly.

Yongsun didn't answer right away, still overwhelmed by Byul's presence. "Yeah." she finally answers, deciding to play along.

"Really?" Moonbyul smiles, "Well, do you happen to know if she's free for coffee?"  Byul asks, her eyes never leaving Yongsun's face. "I want to tell her about my trip on Japan."

"When?" Yongsun inquires.

"Right now." Byul quickly replies. "Do you think she's free?" she asked with a hopeful yet playful smile.

Yongsun playfully checks the time before answering, "Yeah, I think so." she answers casually, even though it was obvious right from the start that she's going to make time for Byul at any given time.

Byul nods with a smile on her face, "How about dinner? Do you think she's free until dinner?"

Yongsun raises her eyebrow.

"I've been gone for a year." Byul states. "I have a lot of things to say, escpecially the fact that I missed her so much."

"I think she'd love that." Yongsun replies. "I bet she'd love to have dinner with you tonight..." she smiles, "then tomorrow night...then the night after that." Yongsun trailed off.

Byul smirks. "Are you sure about that?" she questions, "Because I'm in this for the long haul." she says with her eyes full of determination, full of promise.

Yongsun smiles as she takes a deep breath, everything about this moment feels light- _feels right._

It was so different from the last time they personally talked.

"You're not leaving anymore?" Yongsun asks.

"Never again." Byul promises. "I'd always stay with you, forever and ever." she declares, repeating the promise she made to Yongsun on their third anniversary.

"Promise?" Yongsun asks, despite both of them knowing that some promises are meant to be broken.

Byul takes both Yongsun's hands in hers, looking directly at Yongsun with assurance refelecting in her eyes.

"Promise." Byul replies confidently, because this promise- this promise; Byul knows she can actually keep.

"I promise to do the same." Yongsun vows.

Moonbyul kisses Yongsun as a reply, hoping that the rest of her unspoken promises are heard.

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> So I finally got to publish the very last chapter of this story.
> 
> I'm so sorry that it took so long. I didn't expect that I'd be THAT busy at work.
> 
> Thank you for being patient.
> 
> Please leave a comment whether you liked it or not.
> 
> Tell me what you want to see more of, if ever there is a sequel.
> 
> Would you want to see more WheeByulYong love triangle?
> 
> Or do you want to see a more moonsun centric fic.
> 
> Or maybe you still think Wheein deserved Byul in this fic.
> 
> I want to know your thoughts.
> 
> But most of all, I would like to thank each one of you who took the time to read this story. I really appreciate it.
> 
> Especially to those who were so consistent in commenting I love y'all so much. Thank you!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like this one.  
> Enjoy!!!
> 
> And please comment down your thoughts! I wanna hear them. I would really appreciate it. Thank you!


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